Sick in the body, and maybe alittle in the head as well

Been home since monday and tuesday and today im home too. Have been down with the mega virus; the flu bug and the sore throat. Spread from my dear niece whom i was playing with on sunday and her saliva accidently went into my mouth. Yes, ewww, buttt.. thats how i fell sick ): Yap, ever since sunday night, i've been feeling so restless and just dont have that drive to do anything or study. Which is bad. How did i suddenly lose that drive to do anything? I wonder.. Hmmm
As unimaginable as it seems, I've been chasing all the dramas that exist now...korean dramas i mean.. Time flies when you watch dramas.
Anyway school goes on tomorrow and I will have to go for my stats lecture ): hmmm as dreadful as it seems, life goes on and God is in control.
Thank God for really nice classmates like Eliz, Gorden and the rest, I guess i wont be losing out too much from the lectures that i missed (: yappies.
I miss alv... He seems to keep my day going and like making me feel happier even with the virus (: cant wait to see him this sat and to go swimming with him (:

The vow

"I believe God has led me to you above all others and i will honor, cherish, and marry you. No broken hearts. No painful baggage. No walking out." 

When God made you

Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you i believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

Oh i wonder what God was thinking, when He created you.
I wonder if he knew everything I would need,
Because He made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me.

I promise that wherever you may go, wherever life may lead you,
With all my heart I'll be there too.
And from this moment on I want you to know,
I'll let nothing come between us,
And I will love the ones you love.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

He made the sun, He made the moon,
To harmonize a perfect tune,
One cant do without the other, they just have to be together.
And that is how i know its true,
You're for me and I'm for you and my world
Just cant be right without you in my life.

When God mad me, He must've been thinking about me.

I came across that song while i was just browsing at some bible verses on safari. The lyrics of the song made so much sense to me. Its a little cheesy i agree, but its like a wedding song that seems appropriate to be sang on a wedding day. And I would hope to be able to have this song played on my wedding day, to the man whom I will walk life's journey with.
Ever since he entered my life, my life have been changed permanently. And its never a one-man show anymore. Honestly I thank God everyday for him in my life, because I'm blessed to be loved and cherished by one more person other than my family. It has been an interesting journey so far.
However, of course in every relationship, there are ups and downs, and I believe we are facing one of the many challenges that we will have to overcome throughout our journey together.
Ever since he entered the army to serve his national service, time became a limited factor and we no longer have the liberty of time to talk on the phone or even meet. Being understanding has become of the major trait needed in this relationship to go on. It has been a trying period so far, but nonetheless, we are growing stronger by the day i believe.
Just this week, someone gave me a book named " Choosing God's best". Its a book about courting and the difference between courting and dating. And as i start to read on, i realized that I'm investing in a lifelong romance instead of a temporary one which is courtship. Its stated in the book 'The principles of dating are man-centered and culturally determined; courtship principles are God-centered and biblically based.' Indeed, many a times even christians may not know the difference between courtship and dating, and even I did not realize the difference until the book enlightened me. Although I've just started to read it, it seems interesting and I can't to discover more of it. Trusting God to bring our courtship into a deeper level.

"I thank my God every time I remember you." - Philippians 1:3

With a contrite heart,
Van

Weekly Workouts to get my body back

My new weekly commitment to get a healthier me back (:

• Workout for 15minutes 6 days a week
• Simply doing each workout set from start to finish 
• Do a 15-minute resistance workout 3 days a week
• Do a 15-minute non-resistance workout 2 days a week
• Do a interval training such a swimming, cycling or running one day a week
• On the seventh day, rest.

I guess its possible to get it going (: and of course inclusive of a healthier diet (: Im kinda excited to get it going (: haha anyways, my body is aching from yesterday's run, but it feels great hahah (:

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13 ( My favorite verse of all times)

Van

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." - 2 Timothy 4:7 (NIV)

Adidas King of the Road 2012. 28th October 2012.

This is my next goal in mind. To finish the race. I know it seems almost impossible for me to complete a 16.8km run because never in my life have i ran this far. But I know for sure one thing, that my God knows no limits.

Today i started my training, running . Its been almost 7 months since i last ran. And my stamina is now far gone. Nonetheless, I managed to hit 8km in 1 hour and 5 mins. Not too bad for someone who hasnt been running for sooo long. This challenge I post for myself is simply a challenge to tell myself that I can never do this alone without Him and He will pull me through. Its not gonna be easy run, i know that, but its possible.

Running 8km today was almost a killer. I did walk half way through because my heart couldnt take the sudden pumping i guess. But in the end it felt great to start the ball rolling again. For sure my muscles are gonna ache tomorrow. But there's always a price to pay. Im glad though, at least I started running again after procrastinating for sooo long.

Running along the Park Connector (PCN) brought back many memories. Nostalgic in fact. The PCN was the route that brought me through many occasions in my JC life. I used to run at the PCN whenever school was getting a toil on me, I used to run whenever things wasnt right at home. It was my place of stress-relieve. I used to run when a marathon was coming up and i needed that boost. I used to walk Hugo there along the canal and just talk to him about my day especially when it wasnt going well.(I miss him so much). I used to run there when i needed time alone with God. It was a place of comfort. Oh and i used to run when i couldn't get my mind off guys who used to blow my mind off.. haha. yea.. Running never fail to bring me peace. Whenever I go for my runs, my phone is hardly, almost never with me. So its like I'm totally let alone to my own world, which is something i enjoy a lot. Spending "me" time and time with God alone. On the side note, the PCN was also the place where me and alvin reconciled. He's the first guy apart from my family, that has ever walked the PCN with me. Nostalgic huh.. All the good and not so good memories all came back to me when i was running today. Every part of the PCN meant something... Something special..something i miss...

Anyway, im glad im back on track. And I will keep on running because i know that with God, 16.8km will be manageable. Furthermore, im gonna run with my dear jasmine. So i guess it will be fun and enjoyable, with alittle of HTHT here and there. hahaha.. i miss her though honestly.. she is like one of my closest JC girlfriend whom knows quite alot bout me, just like Katie whom i too miss alot because she is away. Yap, my two sporty and pretty buddies. Looking forward to race day.

Til then, i will keep running.

With faith,
Van

"We love because He first loved us." - 1 John 4:19 (NIV)

I guess for the past weeks or so, this has been on my mind. The thought of marriage. And once in awhile, i ask God, "is this the man that You have sent into my life?" Somehow, it seems like it. And I cant help but to think about life after marriage. The kind of lifestyle i would want to pursue with him, the kind of house we will buy, the car we will drive, the number of kids we have, the kind of lifestyle we adopt and of course, the love we possess for one another.

It gets me excited to think about such stuff. I guess its because he is my first, and i will make him my last. The one and only for sure. I admit, it isnt a easy journey ahead of us. There are constant challenges coming our ways, obstacles that we have to overcome, but I'm sure that God will see us through all of it. Thankfully, its been 1 year and 4 months now, and counting. And i cannot be ever thankful for all the memories he has created. He is like an angel sent from heaven. For all these years, i have been patiently waiting and it seemed like it was meant to be. *grinning*

For it has been said in scriptures, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor; If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 

Indeed, two is better than one.

I came across this movie, called The vow, and it has ever since then became my favorite movie of all times. There are quotes from the movie that never fails to move me deep within.

"I vow to love you. And no matter what challenges might crry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other."
"I vow to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home."

This movie has taught me the core values of a marriage and the importance of the vow. After watching it, I cant wait til the day arrives when i stand in front of God and me to proclaim my vows to him whom i will spend the rest of my life with, and him whom God made me one with. Its a new phase of life which i look forward to.

Missing you always,
Van

" I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever; with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations" -Psalm 89:1

Once again, today I was serving at the 9am service and was part of the worship praise team as a co-singer. And i was given the chance to sing solo for the song, To you. It was always something special to me to be able to sing in church. Because it was where i found the gift of singing. I never knew i could sing until i entered sunday school.
Anyway, this morning, after the service, a lady who used to be my sunday school teacher, came up to me and said: " You can really sing very well you know? You should really consider going to join a singing competition like singapore idol or something." haha when i heard this, all i could say was:" Thank God." Because I know He gave me the gift of singing, and all i wanted was to use this gift to praise Him. I did consider ever to fulfill my dream to sing but then again, I would go back to the root of how i started singing. Maybe someday i might chase that dream if God opens the door. But i never know when that opportunity would come. So i'll wait. Even if it never comes, I know I was made to touch the hearts of His people with my voice that He gave. And that spotlight, will always belong to Him and Him alone.
 I'm thankful to be able to portray how i feel through songs. Somehow at times words just cannot portray how one truly feels. But with songs, unspoken words seems to be clearly expressed. I enjoy locking myself in my room, take out my guitar and just start strumming in my world. Somehow singing takes away that stress within and makes me feel at peace once again.
So I'll keep singing of Your love as long as I live.

With a contrite heart,
Van

"I will praise You, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; My soul knows it full well." - Psalm 139:14

Just like how God created us in His own image, and we were just like the flour and the eggs and all the ingredients needed to make us into moulds and then again into human form, something beautiful emerged from it all. The process of creation.
And we were then given the gift to create beautiful things with our hands as well. And yes, up above, im referring to yet another amazing invention ever-  The red velvet cake. Which is my next mission impossible and challenge to myself. (:

Because we have God

0325

Thats what we ought to be

When was the last time I stayed up this late.

When words fail me, and when im confined within the four walls of my own territory, my tears will flow like even a million words can't define.
When my heart can no longer take what my mind is digesting, tears flow again.
When i miss you and there's no one i can call to talk to, my tears come rolling down.
When sometimes you put your heart and soul to trust someone, but yet then again it seemed like one day, some hard truth will be in your face, and all those believe and trust comes tumbling down, all i can do is to let my tears take the pain away.
When no one could see the pain beyond the laughter, i simply hide myself to release those tears once again.
When I get so tired of simply explaining what im going through, tears overwhelms me.
When I need you but i know you cant be there, tears are all that can express how i truly feel.
When I love you, as a friend, as a sister, as a daughter, as a lover, I dont wanna let you see any of my tears.

Im trying to be the best that i can be.
Im trying to change my old ways.
Im trying to be understanding towards all the disappointments i face.
Im trying to be someone who lives a normal life.
Im just trying to be happy.

I guess i never knew how complicated life could be, until all the tears come flowing down. And i never wanted to be seen as weak, so i keep in at times, laugh alittle, joke alittle, but deep within, there are so so so many soft spots within that so easily can be triggered by the slightest mentions of it. Sometimes im tired of being so easily shaken, tired of just being trapped in this cycle where i cant seem to comprehend life at times. And tired of being "me" sometimes.

But definitely, these are just expression of all the negative thoughts within me that i never really expressed to those around. I know that somewhere out there, no matter where, God hears.

There was this song that came across my mind. So you would come- By Darlene from Hillsong

Chorus
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small,
Broken hearts, broken lives,
He will take them all.
The power of the Word,
The power of His blood,
Ev'rything was done
So you would come.

Verse 1
Before the world began,
You were on His mind.
And ev'ry tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes.
Because of His great love,
He gave His only Son,
Ev'rything was done,
So you would come.

Verse 2
Nothing you can do,
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done,
Could make Him close the door.
Because of His great love,
He gave His only Son.
Ev'rything was done,
So you would come. 

And that very line, came straight at me. Just when i needed it.

Yap, so i guess i have to go to bed noww..and when morning comes, life goes on. It always does. Thank God for that, truly, that each day we can live. 

With a contrite heart, 
Van

To watch her grow, is my responsibility.

                  Recently, almost a month ago, i started teaching tuition. First was a girl called Yi Hui, currently primary 1, absolutely intelligent girl and pretty. She is such a joy to teach and i look forward to every session with her. Making lessons enjoyable and fun is my aim in every session. I enjoy making her learn in the fun way. And i believe at the same time, God is teaching me. I used to be that innocent girl, that 7 year old girl who thought that i could conquer the world. Now i see the girl i use to be right in front of my eyes. She doesnt know God, neither did i at that point of time. And whenever i look at her, i think back at the time when i was in her shoes. When 50+31 seemed like the hardest equation. And i miss her. I miss that girl who used to ask why about every single thing, the girl who need not worry, the girl who was mummy's little girl, the girl who was innocently happy. Yap, so its joy teaching Yi Hui because kids at her age are soo.... simple.
              Then came girl number 2, who i only started about 2 weeks ago. Her name is Yan Zi. She is 7 years old currently, but she is different in some ways. She is Dyslexic. And that brought a burden on my heart that i had to help her. She is unique in her own ways and she makes me smile almost all the time. Patience is all that is needed for her to learn and of course attention. She has been through quite alot for a kid of her age. And whenever i think about her, i knew God had a reason to send me there to teach her. Its not easy to teach her, but its not impossible. And i know that if i give up on her, many others would too. So i thought about it, and i wanna make a small difference in her life. Teaching her is fun because she can get goofy in her own little and be so so happy about it. When she smiles at little things even a fly, i smile too. Because i realised that as a 19 year old, many a times i forget the simplicity of having joy. And when i spend time with her, it seems to come back to me all the time. I teach her english and its constantly a challenge for me to go beyond just assessment books and mundane materials. But even through all that, I find it so fulfilling to know that i make a little difference in her life. I wouldnt stop trying because i wanna see her grow.
                Tuition has been one of the items on my schedule that takes up alot of time. Every weekday night i have tuition. Its tiring, yes, but its fulfilling. And so i thank God everyday for the opportunity for me to teach these two girls. Because they widen my horizon bout the world.
               This year, i got my first teacher's present and it felt good knowing that someone out there appreciates your effort. (:

Ever thankful,
Van
               

"Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock"- Isaiah 26:4

So my new journey in SIM started effectively on 13th August 2012, and i was then put into a new environment, new people, and once again it all started again. The cycle of making friends. Similarly to how it was back then when i entered innova, it wasnt my ultimate choice to be there, however i know that God must have a plan and its where He wants me to grow to be more like Him.
Honestly i was once again discouraged by not being able to enter into a local uni of my choice. I've given my all but yet, i did not make it. I use to look back on my education journey and it was always the same. I never did well enough to enter into a college or institute that i wanted, and it was always have to stick to what was left. I was never good enough. But then again, God has a plan. And this message have been revealed to me time and time again. "He has a plan van"- Many said that to me. Therefore even when i feel like i could have done better to get into where i wanna be, i choose to believe that there's a reason for me being where i am today.
Anyways, so i entered into SIM as a undergrad taking Bachelor of Science (Honours) in Economics at the University of London. I have one last shot to give it my all and trust God for all that i will do and get my Honours. And i will put Him first in my education.  For it was once said "I am a christian first, then a student".
Although school have already started for 3 weeks and now i have just be selected for the Student Representative Council (SRC), into the department of my choice, Sports, i am glad to be where i am now.
And to whats ahead, i shall commit it all to Him.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
and tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there,
who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died,
my sinful soul is counted free.
For God, the Just, is satisfied
to look on Him and pardon me.
 - Anonymous