19th Day: Nasya turns ONE

How time really flies and now it has been one year ever since Nasya's birth. Amazing. This one year watching Nasya grow has been such a humbling experience and for me learning to take on a role of a baby sitter at times, learning to take care of Nasya and support my sis in anyway possible. I never knew that taking care of a kid could take so much time and effort. But as much as it may be physically tiring, it is definitely mentally enriching and such a joy to be able to make Nasya smile and make her day. Or should i say she makes my day? I look forward to going home and seeing her joyful smile when she sees me at the door. Its always a happy thing to be home. I pray that as this princess grow, she will come to learn to be strong and independent in this ever demanding and scary world. She will come to realise that life isnt all just about flowers and toys, but more than that, more than any of that, life is a constant race. Race with your own heart and mind, a race with all other kids out there, a race with time. But even with all the demands life will bring to her, she will learn to love. As much as she is under a umbrella, all sheltered, one day she will grow and learn how to be a big girl. And i pray that day to come. I hope she will grow up so strong, both her faith and her heart and know how to protect others around her. She is just such a joy in the eyes of many.
Anyway, today we celebrated her 1st birthday and it was nice having many people coming together for the celebration. A time of gathering and for catching up. I hope everyone had fun. It was alright having to meet up and talk to all the guests. But alot of people asked the same question: "where's your boyfriend (Alv)?" Everytime someone asked me that, it isnt that i was sad or anything, i was simply missing him alittle more and more and more. At least 10 of them asked the same question and all i could say was "he's away in brunei because of OCS" But i miss him so much. I wished he was there to be with me and talk to me and made me feel alittle less lonely. Its another 5 days before alv returns home. And i cant wait to see him. Its the good kind of miss anyway, not the emo kind haha.
Through these days without him, God has really been so faithful and helping me go through everyday like it should be. God's my companion and i'm thankful that so far i havent had any incidents where i broke down or felt vulnerable. i'm thankful for that.
Anyway in the month to come, its gonna be filled with so much things on my organizer that i'm gonna be so stretched. Tried asking my tuition kid for a break but both of the students' parents dont agree on giving a break for tuition for their kids. How sad is that. So while i have more meet ups and preps for the upcoming christmas festive, i still have tuition on 5 days a week. But nonetheless its good i guess. Time is money in the case for tuition. So i'll hang in there until i find the opportunity to stop the current students.
Okee its time for bed and preparations to conquer a new week. Holiday mood has to end here and tomorrow is the start of all the lectures and everything else. I hope monday blues wouldnt be so bad tmr. ): Good night folks.

Love,
Van

Photos from Malacca trip

Day 1

Stepping foot into our hotel

Nasya trying out our king size bed

Nasya learning to hug herself while we're at A&W

Amazing Christmas deco at Bei Zhan

 Day 2

Swimming (: (: 

Complimentary Hot Chocolate and Tea given by the hotel (; While we're at the poolside

Keeping Nasya warm after her dip in the pool (:

Me lazing beside the pool and enjoying the breeze

Our amazing breakfast right beside the pool! (:
Chicken and beef sandwich, Asparagus soup and club sandwich

Shopping at Mahkota! (:

Day 3

Tea Tree Spa where i did my full body massage

Complimentary English Breakfast while waiting for our turn

Ginger Tea after the relaxing massage

Our favourite Crepe Cake cafe that cant be found in SG

Handmade crepe cake done layer by layer

My Earl grey lavender tea 

She being cute (:


So that was our trip at a glance (:
Love,
Van

18th Day: Rejuvenated from a short getaway

Swimming pool at Holiday Inn with seaview

Its been like 4 days since i blogged about anything. Not becaused i didnt want to, but our family went away to Malacca, Malaysia for 3 days and though i brought my mac to be prepared to blog and all, there wasnt free internet access and it was chargeable so, i thought it wasnt worth to pay for the internet, and on the other hand i would love to just spend my holiday away from every distraction. No phone, no wifi, no twitter, none. Just my family and me enjoying ourselves indulging in all the scrumptious food and shopping spree we could ever find in Malacca.

Day 1 of our trip was also the day 1 of the start of the renovation at home, and all the hacking of the old tiles will begin. And so we left our home, all packed and ready to leave our sweet home for one month. Head off to drop stuff at uncle's place (Where we are crashing for the one month), and zoom off to head for the 2 hour drive to Malacca. Our first stop was of course our hotel. Holiday Inn Malacca. Amazing room with sea view and great service. I was enthusiastically tipping every hotel staff whevever they did something nice. hahaha. Anyway so we settled down in our joint room, jie, Nasya and I in the room with the bathtub and the KING SIZE bed, and parents in the room with the queen size bed since now we have nasya haha. Yap, so we settled down, warmed up and washed up alittle before heading off to our first shopping stop, Dataran Palawan shopping mall. We went there because we were craving for A&W which SG dont have. But apparently it was so disappointing cause there was a lack of staff, the fries were soggy, they didnt have waffle (Which was the main reason why i craved for A&W), they forgot to serve some of our order, but nonetheless, we ate all of it. And the shopping begin. Though i wasnt very interested cause the fashion there wasnt really to my liking, but it was nice spending time with the family, even if it was just walking around. After walking all over the mall, we went to starbucks. Me being such a fan, i need starbucks whereever i go haha. But one reason was because i collect the starbucks tumbler from all the countires i travel to. And i wouldnt want to miss this opportunity to add one more tumbler to my collection. The manager was really nice he gave me a free grande drink, and it was a pleasant experience there.  Soon it was time for dinner. We went to our all time favourite place, Bei Zhan. They serve really good chinese food, for example the steam cod fish, salad prawns and most of all they have blended veggie and pineapple juice that goes well for digestion. That scrumptious dinner ended our day and we retreated back to our hotel, watch some movies on the tv and slept.

Day 2 began with swimming at the pool which gave us amazing sea view. But i was so lazy and still in the sleepy mode, so i went to the pool side and laid on the seats to accompany dad, sis and Nasya while they swam. Being lazy, i was hungry at the same time. And guess what, mum ordered room service. But instead, they sent it to the poolside. Amazing service. I was like totally awake when the food arrived. SO we had a club sandwich, aspargus soup and chieken and beef sandwich with curly fries and salad. All of which came in servings that could feed like 5 of us. haha.  Amazing breakfast and it was the first time it really felt like we were on a holiday. Never did that before. Loved it. After enjoying the amazing breakfast, we head back to the room and got ready to head out for another shopping spree. This time we went to Mahkota parade, the other mall. Being rather unreceptive about the shopping i didnt expect to find anything i would like to buy. But to my surprise, there was a sale at Parkson ( a departmental store just like Isetan in SG) and the sale was for Ripcurl items. I managed to get my hand on 2 dresses, and got Alv something too (: Happy much haha. Oh and we went to Payless (the shoe shop from Aus or US i cant remember) anyway, how come the shoes in Payless singapore dont look as good as the ones in Malacca? haha I bought 3 pairs of shoes!!! hahah and they were soooooo cheap. One was at 7 SGD, another 11 and the other 20 i think. All were so comfortable and that hyped me up  alittle. hahah the shopaholic in me was unleashing. Sparing you all the tiny tiny details, although i did shop but it wasnt that alot. but i was really loving all my buys. Dinner was Seoul Garden since its much cheaper than Singapore's and we just kept eating all the types of chicken they had haha. But yap it wasnt really that fantastic. And we went to giant to do some stocking up of groceries and definitely on the cup noodles for our supper. Went back to the hotel to relax and watch movies once again, and munch on all the junk food we bought.

Day 3 started off with a relaxing full body massage that the whole family indulged in. Sis did the facial, and i did the full body massage. it was my second doing that and i guess i somehow got used to the stripping totally naked and being open about it to the lady doing the massage. But the small hut that individuals are entitled to for every treatment is so beautiful. It felt like i was in Bali or something. haha. Though it was awkward once inawhile, it was a relaxing and rejuvenating experience. But the most embarrassing thing was, after the 60 min massage, i couldnt understand what the lady said. To me it sounded like "Miss you can now take a one hour shower" BUT TURNED OUT, IT WAS ACTUALLY, " Miss dont shower for one hour". When mum told me that i was totally embarrassed and couldnt imagine how silly i was and what the lady must have been thinking when i started bathing in front of her behind the shower screen. hahaha. Even now thinking about it im still laughing at myself. Van so silly. haha. Yap so the morning was an amazing one. Then comes all the packing and all. Although the holiday was coming to an end, i wasnt feeling sad cause our final stop was the Johor Premiun Outlet which is what i was looking forward to. Shopping and more shopping! We had a 30 min drive before taking a short R&R at one of the pit stops and there was Buskin Robbins. It was so cheap i couldnt resist not buying. And after resting we continued in our journey. Dad went up to 150km/hr. SUCH SPEED haha, And WE REACHED THE SHOPPING HEAVEN. Though the first few shops we went werent really up to expectations, i guess it because it was all the high end shops that wasnt suitable for us. But the first shop i was excited for, was Adidas. Walked in and found so so many apparels that i was attracted to. But of course Adidas being Adidas, its so expensive. But i had my eye on a few items. A running tights, a tank top and a wind breaker. After contemplating for awhile, i chose the wind breaker. After all the discounts, it was only 36 SGD. So cheap! hahaha. Yap and we continued walking on, there wasnt anything much that i wanted to buy until we reached my next destination which i have been aiming for. FOSSIL. Was planning to change my current Fossil wallet even though its still in a good condition (Spoilt me). But, didnt manage to find something to my liking. But i found something Alv would like and something for a beloved friend (Gabby) for Christmas. Something small. And the shopping ended with me getting a Shu Umera lipstick (Cause Alv left my previous one in his coat that he had returned to OCS >_<) And that wrapped up our trip to Malaysia. The drive back to the customs was a exciting one because the road in malaysia werent all lighted up with street lamps like SG's. SO it was just pitch dark and our beaming headlights. But thank God, we made it home safely. I meant uncle's home.

This trip was definitely a rejuvenating and refreshing getaway for me. Away from school, away from all the hectic schedules. And i thank God for every single day of our trip. Keeping our family safe and giving us the sufficient finances to be able to thoroughly enjoy ourselves there.  It was such a relieve knowing that there were many singaporeans there at Malacca and also staying at holiday inn. Although it was away from all the life back in SG, i still missed Alv alot. Even right now i still do. Its been 6 days since i've heard his voice or made any contact with him. Even while being so caught up in all the shopping, i was constantly thinking of him. Thinking of what i could buy for him or what i would plan for him when he'e back. I guess thats the real meaning of love. No matter how great the distance, love exists and can overcome any barrier or obstacle as long as your love is strong. I guess i've truly experience the strength of love. I can't wait for him to be back and to give him his gifts. (:

So i agree this is a absolutely long post but its all i went through for the past 3 days in Malacca. Somehow 3 posts all in one.

14th Day: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going

What should i say. Erm, once again, i'm suppressed under the fact of being drained from all the commitments at all sorts of level in my life. And i'm once again at the crossed road, stuck in a dillema.
School i mean academic wise, i feel like i'm able to focus alittle more than i used to. Which is good. However while i hope to fully put my heart into studying, there are so many others things out there that's making it tough for me to fully concentrate and do well for all the assignments.
There's tuition which currently im taking two students. And one which i'm having problems with the commitment because the parent expects so much more out of me, wanting me to give the girl 4 times a week of tuition. The other student's family is rather compromising so thats one thing i'm thankful for. And once again, being weak at saying no and turning people down, is one of my absolute absolute weakness. I cant bring myself to disappoint others or to say no and just leave like that. Whats the best way for doing it? For telling her that my time is just not enough to stretch anymore for me to go down to teach her daughter who is in great need of support for her studies. Sigh
And there's Student Council commitments. Though i'm not there at times for the meetings and gatherings, i still have to be accountable to them and do my part for whatever that needs planning for. And when i do turn up for meetings, chances are that it ends late because of all the socializing and at times it isnt really productive. Taking up one day a week, but apart from the meetings, there are no behind the scene wrk to be done at home etc.
And there's church. This is one of the commitments that i fully enjoy serving in. And its never going to be at the bottom of the list. Instead, its one of the first, because God is first. Every 1st and 3rd saturday of the month, there is praise duty.
And apart from all of that, there are so many other upcoming stuff that i need to attend to. Just right now, im busy packing my clothes and essentials for moving to uncle's house, and tomorrow we're heading to Malacca. All that packing takes time and sucks up energy as well. And what more, there's christmas coming, lots of catching up meetings with all my loved that i've been missing, and in jan my wisdom tooth extraction which i have to go for 2 check ups before the real surgery.
I'm on the verge on breaking down about being so stretched. And so before the year ends, i'm gonna sit down and start to plan of letting go on the commitments that i know that i can let go of. Like what alv always say, "what's ur role and duty now? Its to be a student and study hard." Thats so true.
But i tend to struggle with balancing with the things i need to do, and the things i want to do. At times, the things that i want to do, end up becoming things i need to do and i dread them after awhile. So currently now, i'm having a love-hate relationship between my brain and my heart. Gonna need time to spend with God, just with Him and to ask Him what He has in plan for my life.
I guess thats the challenge of it, to really clear out the trash in my life and all the stuff that are unnecessary and really just focus on all the essential things i need to do with my life. Which now, its obviously to study.
Nonetheless, i'm tired and miss having alv around where i could pour all my trash and let it all out, talk it all out with him and he will be like my filter to clear and clean up my emotionals, setting me back on track with God's word in mind. In great need of that now. I miss you. It seems like everything else wasnt really going well with my life but you. When you're around life feels easier to go by. Me being cheesy again. But even now typing about you i feel slightly better and i can smile.hee hee.

Randomly opened my photo booth just now, and i found all the silly videos we took and photos before you left for Brunei. Cant help but to smile at all of them and recalling all of it.
Driving out all the negativities and putting in back all the positivities.

Love,
Van

When you return from Brunei....

I want to....
1. Hug you so tight
2. Hug you more!
3. Go shopping
4. Watch late night movies
5. Bake and bake and bake with you
6. GO TO THE ZOO
7. Run, swim, walk
8. Explore beautiful cafes with you
9. Go on a picnic
10. Make covers with my ukelele
11. Take lots and lots of pictures
12. Have sleepovers
13.Spend time with our families
14.Watch you fall asleep soundly beside me haha
15.Dress you up
16.Cook meals and not quarrel in the process of doing so
17.Pray to daddy God together while holding hands
18.Go to church together
19.Love you more everyday.

There's 19 items on the checklist, because we are already together for 19 months and counting. I cant imagine what happens when we get together for 100 months. We will so many things on the checklist.. hee hee. But that would be great.

I love you,
Van

13th Day: I'm trying to live everyday like it's my last day on earth

Its been awhile since i stayed up, instead of blogging or tumblring, I was studying. Rather proud of myself for taking this step of courage to move out of procrastination. The past months i haven't been very motivated and started to just live as the day goes by, there was nothing i was chasing for nor a goal i wanted to achieve with my life. I'm not too sure if what im hoping for is truly what my future holds, but at least now i have something in mind. Something to push me on and to bring me back to that van who was once motivated and would do everything to achieve that goal.
I guess the biggest obstacle in my way, is the fear of failure once again. The failure that felt like i dropped from a thousand feet high right straight to the ground and there was no way back up. And no matter how hard i tried, i realised all i was doing was to avoid and run away from the fact that i have failed. Gave myself all kinds of excuses to make myself feel better. But that never last. It just gives you more reason to make up more excuses.
Furthermore, i realised the only person or thing that can pull you out of the failure, is yourself. Only yourself. Your friends and loved ones can be there to encourage you and talk to you, but if you yourself dont acknowledge that you need to get back up again and move on, no one else can. Just like the saying goes, 'If you dont help yourself, even God cant help you.' As harsh as it seems, its the fact. And i've come to realise that the truth is always the harshest. And we've just to face it. Failures break us down so hard i agree, but they make us stronger. Once you fail and fall, the only way out, is to get back up again.
Therefore, i'm hoping to give my all and try to organize my life alittle before the year ends and a new year will begin again. Hoping for the best.
Yap, so i burnt the night oil tonight, managed to catch up on the notes for my business management lectures, and econs alittle. Got ready for tomorrow's econs tutorial. But there's still lots to do, especially on the packing part. We're shifting to aunt's house tmr ): not too excited for the shift cause it means im losing my privacy and i no longer have the liberty of my space to spend and enjoy the silence of the night which i love. But, 1 month will fly by (i hope it zooms past).
Oh yah, i fell in with two new songs. 1. Marry Me - Train 2. When I was your man- Bruno Mars. Yes they are contrasting songs. Marry me is just simply sweet and i feel in love with it when the live band at the wedding dinner yesterday sang it, and the words just touched me. Whereas for the second song, its so realistic as to how some guys only come to realise what they've lost after relationships have been broken. But its too late for time to reverse. And the ballad that Bruno mars did, is so sincere. The song reminded me of a past i dont like to recall, and wished the guy felt the same way when he chose to let me go. (evil me haha) But anyways the song taught me to cherish and give your all to the person you love. Not waiting for a chance to regret or look back and realised that you havent loved a particular person enough. It would be too late by then. I dont wish to feel the same guilt like how the song does.
Guess its late enough. 1:51am. Time to head to bed or else i'm gonna be late for school, or looking like a zombie when i go to school. hahahah. Good night

Another 8 days to go to hear your voice again.

Love while you still can,

Van

12th Day: Busy busy weekend

Today is Sabbath day. But unfortunately our family did not go to church because daddy was too exhausted and has been having problem sleeping. So the packing began again. Pack and pack and pack and more packing. I finally took the courage to fold my clothes. If you dont know, i had 2 heaps of clothes that was so so much clothes they overflowed from the basket and started to grow higher and higher by the day. About 1.5m tall haha. And yap, i finally could not take it anymore and decided to fold all of it. Anyway in 3 days time we will have to move to uncle's place because of the renovation. Therefore there is even more reason for me to fold the clothes.
And so time flew by so quickly i dont even know it could go by so quickly, and managed to fold everything, pack my room, vacuum it, and even cleared two big bags of things that were on top of my wardrobe for the longest time ever. When i finally managed to bring them down, realised those two bags contained things that werent even mine. It was a bag filled with plastic and paper bags that my sis kept and the other bag was all her old soft toys. They were left there when she shifted to the other room. That was like 3 or 4 years ago?! And asking her if she still wanted them, she said no. I could have simply gotten those space to put my own stuff haha. But anyways im glad and satisfied that at least i could clear some trash and my room is so much neater now. On a scale of 0 to 10, before i packed it was like -2.5 and after packing, im grading myself a 20 hahahaha. The awesome feeling of having a neater and cleaner room is priceless (:
Apart from all the chaotic packing, alv managed to call thrice today. Which made me very happy because the next 9 days to come, he's gonna be gone again out in the jungle for the JCC. But im glad he called and texted whenever he could. And last night his instructors gave out the letters that family and friends wrote to encourage them. And he got my letter (: Apparently i went to apply lipstick and kissed the letter. haha. Yes as silly as it sounds and cheesy as it may be, kinda want him to know that i'll always be there no matter how far or tough it may be. Cant wait for him to be back. Need my bestfriend back.
And so after all the packing, i finally i had to stop packing cause we had to prepare for the wedding dinner of Ping Hong and Charlette. It was one of the most enjoyable wedding dinners i've been to. They had a facebook group set up for guests to upload photos of their time at the dinner and we uploaded Nasya's photo. And the photo with the most likes wins a token. And of course.... She won it. hahaha. Apart from that they had a live band from Sparkle Music if im not wrong. They could sing quite a variety of genres, which surprised me. From Gangnam style to Everyday i love you by the Boyzone. And the vocals, a guy and girl, were really good, they made the ambience so enjoyable. The food was alright, like all other wedding dinners, the 8-course dish. And they had a really amazing video montage of the wedding yesterday with all the hype of the groom going to pick the bride at the bride's house and all. Just simply so sweet. I had a wonderful night. And that wraps up the weekends i guess. It was rather a meaningful one. And hopefully my wedding would be as special and unique (thinking far ahead again van..haha)
The weekly marathon begins again. Marathons, SRC meetings, tuition sessions, studying, exercising. But for the weeks to come, i believe adjustments have to be made. Gonna move out and live with uncle and aunt, going to Malacca on wed til friday. All the packing of luggages and stuff. Its gonna take alot. And the renovation going on at home as well. I guess this december is going to be filled with so much work. Hopefully the renovation will end before the new year. So we can have a nice newly furnished place to celebrate the new year.
Can't wait for Christmas to come. But until down, i'll just do what i gotta do and pray for grace. 12 days to alv's return. Not the 12 days of christmas haha. Thank God for yet another weekend that has past.

Just like what you said, "After this, our love will grow even stronger, so smile always."

Good night,
Van *smiling*

11th Day: Attending weddings just makes you wanna get married

(This isnt them f.y.i) 

This morning, our family attended a wedding solemnization held in church of our dear church friends Charlette and Ping Hong. It was such a sweet experience watching the indescribable joy that radiates from the newly weds' faces. The whole process was candid and sweet. Honestly everytime i attend a wedding of someone i know, i tend to imagine how i would like my wedding to be. The type of gown i would want for my wedding, the flowers, colour of the dress for my bridesmaid, the venue of the ceremony held at, the songs that will play. I just cant help but to start planning about the kind of dream wedding i would love to have.
Watching the couple say their vows to one another as they look at each other in the eye. At that very moment, it seemed like they were the only two people that exist when they looked each other in the eye. It was like time stopped for a minute or two. And that connection that they share, just puts a smile on the face of all the witnesses there. Thank God everything went smoothly and the nerves didnt get to them. When it was time for the groom to kiss the bride, he kissed her forehead because she was shy. That was so cute. hahaha.
But anyways, the wedding went well and the dinner will be held tomorrow night. Rather excited for it though because its been awhile since our family attended a wedding dinner. (:

Had been waiting for these 5 days to pass quickly so i could talk to alv once again when he returned to the base camp in Brunei. Thought that we could have talked for at least 10 mins or so. But unfortunately, after getting my hopes alittle higher, it got shattered all over again. We talked for only 2 minutes and he had to hang up. Seems like their schedules are really in a hurry because he was constantly packing for his JCC that begins on monday. And thats gonna be another 9 days where he will be out in the jungle where i cant contact. Apparently he told me that he received the letter that i wrote to me. I hope that would lift his spirit up alittle with all the strenuous trainings and exercises which they need to undergo. Praying for his well-being and knowing that God will be there with him.

Gonna rest now and walk up early for church.

Love and night,
Van

10th Day: Sometimes being apart for awhile is healthy for one's relationship

Being apart from alv an being uncontactable had allowed me to sort out some of the thoughts that i had. And now that he's away, there are more time to just ponder about where things went wrong at times and to do self-reflection. With him not being around, i think about the times where i may have taken our limited time for granted. And i just cant help but to feel bad about it. But anyways, over the past few days i've been able to calmly sort out my thoughts. Being as human as anyone else out there, we tend to sprout words that we dont mean when we were angry, and im no different. And i admit that this has been one of my greatness weakness i have which i myself fear it. When im mad, the things i say can be so mean and nasty. But the fact is, i dont mean any of it. I simply said it to make the other party feel bad . And all the time, i mean everytime that happens, i regret immediately. I choose to push away everyone whenever i was feeling the worst. Pushing them far far away from me that dont they wont have the courage to come close or even to console. I'm that scary.
Another big weakness of mine, is that i cant accept it when others outwardly point out my flaws or mistakes. I guess thats the problem of pride that we all have. Pride. At times, even in front of alv, i cant lay down my pride. I cant bring myself to concede defeat i guess. But its getting better already ever since i left JC1. I remembered the first year in JC i didnt have alot of friends because not many could accept my character. But then at the end of year 1, i started to change for the better, changed my methods of dealing with different people, and i start to realise that change of impression that others have towards.
Anyways, its not like these weaknesses wont there or i didnt recognize them, its just that this period while alv is away, im even more sensitive to all of them. I start to realise that time is so precious in our relationship at this point in time. And i need to learn to cherish the time we have together more and not waste it by filling it with all the flaws of mine which can at times make things worse.
As practical as it may seem, we got be the person we want meet and love. Just like what the picture above says. Its true. If we cant even be the person we expect others to be, how is it possible that others can achieve the standards and expectations we have. Thats just ironic. Therefore, i've decided to change for the better and to be more understanding.
Today alv finally called after 5 days of not hearing his voice. It was definitely a relieve to hear his voice for me and i just miss him so much i cant wait to see him soo. Subscribed for the international call roaming and so toi text alv and help him to save alittle money.

Missing you always,
van

9th Day: Thank God for friends

So today i survived 2 really content blown lectures. First, early in the morning was stats 2 and then in the afternoon was math 2 which only started today. The lecturer had a really really strong indian accent i couldnt understand half the things that she said, but nonetheless, i strived on and survived through the whole lecture not feeling sleepy at all. Rather proud of myself and of course thank God for sustaining me through the whole 3 hours.
While school was alright,i had many other things on my mind. The wisdom tooth has been giving lots of problems like aching and swelling and the headache that may be caused due to it. As of now, the swelling is so bad i cant bite properly and it aches every time i move my mouth. It hurt so bad i cant wait for them to be all out. As much as i know that its really really gonna hurt so bad, i know that i will pull it through. I really dont wanna go through it twice, so i chose to do the GA, and take all 4 of them out. Apparently i talked to a few of my friends today and all of them was surprised that i actually picked GA and chose to pluck everything out at once because its really painful and its gonna swell.. but what to do.. really dont have much a choice. In order to stop all the sleepless nights due to the swell, im doing it. Although i know that after the surgery i wont be able to eat well and its gonna be torturing, im gonna just push all the way. And may God be with me as i go through all the procedures for it.
Apart from the tooth thingy, i was bothered by something rather personal and since Alv wasnt around, i was so glad to be able to confide in Jas. And i thank God for such a friend like her. The comfort that she gave and assurance at times just makes me so thankful to have her in my life. Being in uni, i have not been able to find a friend in which i can truly open up to like how i do with jas and a few others like Katie. Many of them dont really understand what im going through or know me for who i am i guess. Its like socializing and it just stays at the we're just friends or maybe acquaintance level. But for Jas, im rather confident to say that i can truly be so open to her and know that i can trust her. hmm.. miss being able to see her everyday in school and like talk whenever we liked. Nowadays with my school and her work, meeting is like kinda tough cause our schedules may clash at times. But anyways, the bottom line is thank God for her because i managed to feel so much better after talking to her and we had a alittle HTHT while texting today. And what more she accompanied me throughout the math 2 lecture and kept me going.
The year is coming to an end soon and i've digested that fact. Cant believe its gonna be the year i hit the BIG TWO.. so old.. oh man. and there's so much i wanna do with my life that i have yet achieved. So many places i wanna go and travel to see the world, skills i wanna pick up, so on and so forth.
Furthermore with the A levels ending for Joyce and Isabelle, i cant wait til i get to HTHT with belle and spend so much time with her. I miss her too honestly.
Without alv around, i start to realise that once u get attach and go into courtship, your time spend with ur other girlfriends is decreased because all your attention is diverted to investing into the relationship. I definitely must do something about it and create more memorable memories with my girlfriends. They've been there when i needed them and they played apart in order for me and alv to be together. I guess God really made friends a special bunch to make life more beautiful and fulfilling. Without friends, its like a car without petrol and the car just wont move. (What an amazing analogy haha) ANd of course God is like the car manufacturer that creates the design of the car.
The bottom line is, friends play a major role in moulding us and they were sent by God for a special reason. My special girls like Jas, Isabelle, Katie and Joyce are definitely so close to my heart and i cant love them enough. Thank God for special people like them.
Wells, no school tomorrow so its gonna be more and more packing again.

Missing you still,
Van

 Indeed a friend in need, is a friend indeed

8th Day: Packing packing and more packing

Didnt have school today, so instead i stayed home. Next week onwards there would be renovation going on at home because we're finally during some changes at home (: Getting rather quite excited about the new look we're gonna have for our home. So because of that new look, it comes a great price. And therefore we have to pack out everything, and start to pack our stuff because we're moving in to my uncle's place a few blocks away.
Started off with all the crystal and sentimental objects that were on display, clean each and everyone of them. And then went on to the kitchen, wrapping every ceramic mug or beer and wine glass with newspaper so they would crack. Never knew we had so much to pack. And along the way we threw so so many things. hahaha. Figured out that when you need to pack and want to see a neat house, you need to have the "throwing" mode on and tell yourself that there is no need for having so many of the same thing. Oh correcting myself, not throw, but donate it to salvation army. Thats what we do alot. All the old clothes that we cant fit in anymore goes there, and all the soft toys that we cant bear to throw into the rubbish chute goes there too. Anyways, bottom line is we cleared quite alot of things. And it was nice seeing lesser things lying around at home. Makes the house look more spacious than before.
Looking forward for whats to come in the weeks ahead. Malacca trip, new look to our house, christmas celebrations, more gatherings, meet up with 1031A and more HTHT with my dear Jas babe, stayover with Isabelle, Joyce and Shentong and their boys i hope. But most of all, the return of Alv.
Its been 3 days since we've totally not contacted one another. And he is out somewhere in the dense forest in Temburong (dont know if i spelt correctly) doing his navigation exercise. Missing him. Without texting or calling him, my phone seems rather silent. No vibrations, and i notice it lesser these days.
Tomorrow is the start of my Math 2 lecture which means a slightly difficult level compared to Math 1 which i took earlier on. From tomorrow onwards every thursday i can no longer join the "gang" for lunch meet-ups or movie premieres, because i would have to attend 2 lectures every week. How saddening is that. But for the sake of my future and my happiness, i will have to hang in there and push on.

Plans for the weeks to come:

• Save money money money
• Lose weight (RUN, SKIP,SWIM!!!)
• Study Hard
• Be a more understanding person

Ultimate aim (: hehe

I guess those are rather realistic goals that i have for myself for now. But hoping that God would have mercy on me, and guide me along through.

I miss you, and all i ask if for u to be back safe with me,

Van

What faith can do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

This song always is a reminder for me that as long as we have that faith as small as a mustard seed, God will still be able to hear it. And with that faith so tiny, mountains can be moved because our faith may be tiny, but we love and serve a great and almighty God. This is cover by Jayesslee.

7th Day: Tension

Went to school for my econs tutorial. Managed to pay attention and understand what my lecturer said which is a good thing actually. After that, studied with the girls and read up on econs for macro. Its hard i agree. But from today onwards i told myself that if this is what im fighting for and if i wanna be successful and leave this house of mine, i will give my all. This is what im fighting for. To leave the house and be independent.
After the study session, i went to Alexandra Hospital(AH)  for my wisdom tooth consultation. And so it has been confirmed that my surgery will be on the 4th of January 2013. Apart from the operation there are like so many other procedures to be made. Going for a CT scan because apparently from the X-ray my nerve that is linked to the jaw and nose and tongue is quite near my wisdom tooth, so we have to do some CT scan which we have to personally go to NUH to do it, then deliver that scan thing to AH. And after the CT thingy, comes the consultation with the anesthetist. Since i've chosen to do my surgery with general anesthesia, so i will be put to sleep and there are complications or allergies that can be caused due to the anesthesia that is used. And because i dont have medisave, so i have to once again trouble my mum to bear the burden of the cost for my surgery. Sigh.
On the way back with mum, tension was sparked once again. She claimed that all i do is sleep and im such a procrastinator because i dont take up enough tuition kids to be able to cover my university fees. And when i try to explain my views, in the end, all i get is "I'm your mother and you dont teach me what to do. If you are so smart then pay for ur own surgery fees. So shut up." Conversations in the family usually end this way. By them pushing their authority on me. When they say things that are wrong, they keep quiet. And when they no longer can debate on with whatever im saying, they use their authority to shut me up. And that is what's exhausting me out. Trying to make them see it from my point of view. That i talk just like them.
I guess i do agree that at times i can get really impulsive and the words that come flowing from my mouth are rather harsh. However, i dont think that they have to go to the extend of having to use physical treatments to deal with the situation. Furthermore, she just walked away from me, not caring if i could actually get into the same elevator. Childish. Simply childish. Just like trust is earned, so is respect. I cannot simply respect someone if this is the way they choose to deal with situations. And i dont wanna grow up becoming one of them.
I guess all these are the little obstacles in my life that are always on my mind. And with all these on my mind, i just simply cant sleep. I think about them, ponder and wonder if there were ways to change the situations. Self-reflections, personal goal settings, i can all do these when im alone, quiet in my room. Thats why i sleep late. But they dont bother to ask. They wouldnt ask how im coping in school until my results take a plunge. And they wonder why i choose to talk to Alv more, because he was the listening ear when i didnt have one. He bothered to know about my day when no one cared. Dont get me wrong, apart from Alv, God was there. Always there. Alv was like that extra battery that kept me there when i had no more energy left. When i was down, he would be there to allow me for recuperations. Thats why i miss him i guess, So much.
Honestly i miss Hugo too. I miss having him there to take walks with, and be there friend to hear me out and give me hugs when i needed one.
Just wish i could have a thunder buddy right now. i mean now.
Anyway apart from all the misery i faced today, i managed to do a little sticker shopping spree at a new store that opened in lot 1 called "The paper store". The pretty stickers are in the pic below, and i have this thing for stickers that i cant resist and will go for them as long as i can afford. At least something to calm the nerves.

Pretty Stickers from "The Paper Store"

6th Day: Its as hard for me as it is for you

Skipped one of the afternoon lectures today which i know that Alv wouldnt be quite happy with that. But at least im home early and manage to be home before the storm started. While blogging in my room now its pouring cats and dogs outside. Hopefully the house wont trip of the electricity again.
Anyway, i just finished watching the videos on cyberpioneer about what are the few things in which Alv will actually go through when he is at Brunei. They are even accessed for killing a quail. Saw how the guys literally just dislocated the head of the quail and drained the blood. Gross. But to them its like cloud 9 because they were only given 2 ration packs which isnt enough at all.
And then came the short video of a summary for the 9 days of JCC. Where they had to climb up 2 peaks, swim across the river, and go through a 3 day 2 night in their self-built A-frames, cooking their own food, collecting their own water, building a trap and they are being accessed for all of it. Seemed really tough to go through all of it from the way i see it. From all the interviews, all of the guys seemed to have matured and realised how precious certain things are back home and they learn to cherish even the little supply they are given with.
I hope Alv passes all his test well and hopefully not get injured. Today, is the start of his 5 day navigation training or test, i cant remember. But its gonna be out in the dense forest with all the wildlife creatures and mud. Whatever it is, i believe he will return home as a stronger and tougher man. Like one of them in the video said, JCC pushes you to your limit. That even when you feel like you cant go on, the fact is you still do have some amount of energy. You just have to tell yourself to push all you can. And at the end you will make it through. I was kinda brought to tears when they started to talk about how much they miss home and for some, their girlfriends. The genuinely kind of "miss" that they have for the life back in Singapore is just true and it can be felt how much they missed the food and comfort back home. I suppose its the same for Alv i guess.
Many a times, i think that you may be too busy with your training that you wont have the time and energy to think of me. But after watching so many of the army videos, i realised that im wrong. Because you miss me as much as i do. Its just that you cant text and tell me or call because you are restricted, but i can. I guess im still in the process of learning to be someone better for you over time.
Pray that your training will go well and God be there with you.

Anyway, its time for a short nap to sleep away the headache thats bothering me :/

Love, Van

5th Day: All i want for Christmas is you.

Its sabbath today and the family went to church (: It seemed like there were fewer families or people in church today. I think its due to the fact that its holidays so many families go abroad. Anyway, sermon was great and i enjoyed my time there (: After church we went to town to shop and everywhere its just all ready for christmas and the birth of Christ. In 23 days, we remember Christ's birth. And its gonna be a joyous occasion and we get to go to church to remember this day.
I guess we've all been planning what we want for christmas. As in the prezzies and all and already in discussion of how we're gonna celebrate it together as a family. Recently before Alv left for the Brunei trip, we had a discussion on this as well. About what he wanted for christmas and he asked me what i wanted for christmas. He wanted something that i already kinda expected, but what i wanted, i wasnt sure. It was like i would say i want a bag today, but tomorrow it would be something else. And what i want for christmas is constantly changing all the time. From a new ipod, to shoes, to ipad, to earphones etc... But then today i finally realised. That all i want for Christmas is actually simply Alv. To spend time with him and really spend time i mean. Time. Thats all i want. I guess the factor of time have never been so precious until OCS came by. And i start to understand that no matter what he buys or pampers me with, the only thing that genuinely makes me happy is to spend time with him. Obviously every girl would get excited when it comes to shopping and all, but i hope to be able to spend more time with him.
Tomorrow marks the start of a 5 day outfield training that Alv will undergo and he will not be contactable. And then it will be a 2 day back at his base camp, and then after which is his 9 day JCC and he will be back to Singapore afterthat.. Sounds fast, but in fact it isnt that fast. I shall trust that time will fly.
Anyway, kinda manage to get what i want and had in mind. Bought 2 dresses from New look. But apparently failed to find a pair of flats or pumps that i liked and wanted to get. Still in search of the perfect shoe. Oh and i got the papers for writing Christmas card to my dear loved one as well. Its gonna be exciting i believe. Kinda broke but will figure a way somehow to get the christmas presents for my loved ones.
Gotta to prepare for the school mode again (although im so not in the mood to do so but oh wells).

Baby during the the of his BMT days

Me and sissy at church today.

i miss you.

Love,

Van

4th Day: Spending the Saturday alone

Its been awhile since i have the whole saturday to myself. It didnt feel like it was saturday today since i had some dry run at Sentosa with my school event peeps and after that it was like heading home to help out with house chores and take care of Nasya. It felt different.
Anyway to kill time while travelling on public transport, i have bee engaging myself with watching dramas not just at home, but on my iphone. And movies of course. On the way to habourfront today i started watch Breaking Part 1 (cause i wanna re-watch how Bella and Edward got married and all) and on my way back home i did the same (: Being engaged in the whole watching movies and dramas on my phone has helped me in several ways. Firstly, its minimizes the chance of my "self-esteem issues" to pop up, like whenever i get on the bus or train i think when people stare at me and then to talk to their friends, i think they are talking about me or when they laugh i think its making fun of me. Secondly, it takes my mind off things that makes me go into deep thoughts, for eg. Boo being away and i could dwell on that since im all alone. Anyway, apart from the fact that watching stuff on my phone drains my battery like no ones business, this new hobby while travelling accompanies me and makes me feel less lonely.
And so its down to another 17 days to go before Boo comes back. Hmm oh yah, anyway was rather caught by surprise when Aaron texted me just now and asked me how i was since Boo's away. I was rather shock that he actually did that. Kinda appreciate it though. When i first knew him through Boo, he wasnt someone whom i see would take the initiative to talk to me, since we werent genuinely friends but became friends due to Boo's presence in my life. But nonetheless, he can be rather sweet at times (: Yap and im thankful actually that Boo have just friends like that around him.
On the other hand I'm thankful for friends like Jas, my pillars of strength whenever i needed them. Its these kind of friendships that keeps me going at times. But of course with the strength of God is the key as well. Hmm miss her, kinda hope we will meet up soon and for christmas and all.
Talking about christmas, today marks the first of december and soon it will be Christmas. Hmmm really wonder what is in for me this christmas. Cant wait to enjoy such festives with family and friends, recalling the glorious birth of Christ and just having to fellowship with one another.

With love,
Van

3rd Day: Its getting clearer now

Now that Alv is gone away for his training, it just makes it so much clearer that he is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. Everything seems to remind about him. Whatever i do, things i pass by while going home and the list goes on. Just simply makes me miss him even more now that he's away and out of my life physically for this one month.
As much as it gives me space and personal time, it creates a void within, but a good and healthy one i guess. Now that he's away, i've made new goals that i set for myself. What more its high time i start to do something about my life. There are so many things that i want to change in my life. My weight, my hair, my style, my attitude and my faith in God.
Ever since JC life ended, i somehow lost the motivation to push for things in life. I no longer find the determination to play tennis and run like i used to, and gone are the days where studying was something i enjoy doing. And i need to find a motivation for myself. Somehow. And stop all the procrastination and excuse finding issue. But whatever i hope to change with my life, i hope that Alv will stay the same, and that God's love for me will remain the same as well.
Anyway, its 3 days already ever since Boo is away. And everyday he would text me and call me, which i am very thankful of. But im just kinda worried for the bill that he is to take on. I guess these are the moments where he truly expresses how much he loves me. And these moments certainly allows me to confirm once again that he is the one for me.

Shall rest for the night now.

Just recalling a few amazing moments we had once shared. We've been through obstacles, still many to overcome, but they will simply make our love stronger <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

My 18th birthday

His 18th birthday (:

First photo booth session together

                                      1st week of jan 2012

Anyway, today we hit one year and seven months in our courtship together. Time flies (: 

Love, van