What doesn't hurt is not worth sacrifising

        
               It hurts badly that i have to come to a point such as this, but i give thanks for God has impressed upon me that i am doing the right thing although its gonna hurt so badly and i know for sure. The week that has just past was really one of the craziest week i have ever had in innova and things happened so quickly, i barely had the time to think. But what i am so glad, is that no matter what happens, i can sense the peace of God around me. And i believe this incident is another lesson learnt for me and because of this incident i once again come to realize that i am that vulnerable and i need God more then i know.
             The past 3 days was a great struggle, being caught between the knowing whats gonna happen on monday and trying to act like im still real happy and nothing is wrong. But i truly give thanks to God for the people He has put in my life. i thank God especially for E. Having her around gives me that double portion of comfort and assurance that God is in control and i am so glad for she truly understands how i really feel. Although she is far away, i am glad we have skype and i can talk to her on the phone as if she is still in yew tee. And after talking to her, things seem to become so clear and its as if the fog had lifted. What i was confused about does not seem to be much of a problem anymore (: I would also like to give thanks for sarah, her guidance and support assures me that what i am doing is right and i know what is coming ahead is gonna be tough but through her, i've learnt that God had a purpose for me to go through this. And im glad i took the opportunity to talk to Sarah, and being able to hear from her point of view. I am so grateful for each of them, even A and Dan for they are truly God's warriors to me, never shaken, and will never stumble.They are indeed a great example of men following God's very own heart and i must say at times i feel guilty for i havent been able to live a life always pleasing to God and their lives have always been a great inspiration for me. LIFE has indeed made life so much easier and so much livelier (:
            Through this incident, i myself am amazed by how i actually went through it all. And its so different going through it and having a first hand encounter. And im glad i pulled myself back in time, indeed God is full of surprises...

love, van
currently feeling really sick and didnt make it for church today because of the fever and headache and cough... ):

"For i have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life i live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

I'm tired

Its friday, give thanks (: (: (: but im so puzzled with the things that comes my way but all i can do is lift it up to God. And i dont know what else to say already. im lost for words and i think im just too tired . but God works just at the right time. just in time before i got into all that reflection that makes my self esteem fall, thank God for friends and these are the people i guess that keeps me going. frankly, its because of all the encouragement and texts that i can survive through all these huhas....and politics. but it just comes in time. so i am really thankful, although like i admit that time si dont spend enough time with them, but i am really thankful that they are always there at the right time and right place. so yes, i am tired now.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and i will you rest."
Matthew 11:28

I stand in awe at His marvelous plan.

               Its day 2 at school and its open house (: had a wonderful experience i guess. i was able to know abit more about my school God had put me in..haha. But something that was awfully amazing was how i met two girls that made my day. Throughout the open house, i was running around like a mad woman, form the band room to the tennis booth to the foyer and the cycle goes on..yah dah yah dah. and then something in me just said, why not volunteer as a tour guide since they are short of people..so i just randomly saw these two girls and decided i shall help out. and they are from Christ church sec that so happens to know Dan. And it was an amazing time talking to them. But the most amazing thing, was hearing dan talk to them. Sitting there, i felt like i could learn so much more and it just constantly reminded me of how perfect His plan was and how imperfect the plan i had for myself was. 

                Looking at the young ones reminded me of the old times while i was contemplating. and one thing i forgot in the midst of choosing the JC, was to ask God where He wanted me to go. I put down each choice only to think about my feelings, my thoughts, the future i thought i had in mind. And i left Him out of the picture. And i forgot that i was His child, which so coincidently, i am a student. And yap, now i know that and i have come to realize that God's plan is so much better then mine. But i guess its not too late to realize that now. 

               I am really glad to have met people like dan, a, han and definitely E...oh and of course loyld, ca and sarah. life in IJ has been so interesting with them around. 

               I am thankful for where i am today and i dont regret ending up here. But what i need to start doing is to commit my studies to the Lord and to study for Him instead of the future i have for myself...

time to go to bed to prepare for the long day ahead.

"Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up their wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40: 30-31

van 

DAY 1 at school

It feels great to be back at school once again. (: great to see happy faces and joyful smiles. im glad our class made it to j2 together. and i am so thankful for our new CT. she is so nice and sweet, and i think our time in jc2 will be fruitful.
Apart from that, i am glad the day was in the Lord's hands. Day 1 started off pretty well (: while walking to the mrt form home in the morning, it was so nice that i couldnt resist smiling to myself about what a great day it was to rejoice in the Lord. And its one of the very few times where i could feel that peace in me. And it was great lifting the day up to Him right from the start of the day. It really gives a kick start to whatever is coming ahead. After lifting up the day to Him, it seems like there is nothing to be worried about, neither is there anything to ponder about. Simply because my day is controlled by Him who is the most reliable one and He would plan best (:
Today, we were deployed to various secondary schools to publicize IJ to the sec 4s. And i was sent to CHIJ St Joseph Convent. i wont forget this school i think. i can still vividly remember that this school was my 5th choice during that JAE year when i was opting for my sec sch... its culture reminds me so badly of st marg's and of course it brings me back to the time when i was sitting in the hall waiting for the results to be released. it was a scary experience when you see the expressions on the faces of others. the joy, the sadness, the disappointment, the excitement, the confused emotions, the sighs of relieve and the prayers of thanksgiving. the atmosphere was super tense, just like today as well. Hearing the principal talk and go.."girls, you all have come thus far..", "girls, let us take a moment to say a short prayer to God for the past year".."girls....". those felt like i was back in st margs where the word of God could be so freely spoken. missing those times (: sadly i didnt get to go back to st margs, but i am happy to be able to walk into CHIJ SJC at least once in my life (:
Alright then, tomorrow would be a bee-ing busy day..ITS IJC OPEN HOUSE 2011. haha (: and i have lots to do. Playing for the band during open house, and i hope it goes well (:
good night

CrazyforGod,
van

Psalm 51

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For i know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against You, you only, have i sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

Surely i was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop,
and i will be clean;
wash me, and i will be whiter then snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steasfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then i will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from the bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare you praise.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

This psalm is my prayer through it all. Create in me a clean heart, that i might not sin against You, but instead, my life will honour You.

van

Learning to forgive is like turning on a switch in someone's life

Three days ago, i bought a poster from popoular and it says " A happy relationship is made up of two good forgivers". That really touched me like on the spot. As if its love at first sight with the poster.haha..anyway, i think its a good reminder for each one of us that we need to learn to forgive ourselves then forgive others. Life would be so so much easier and healthier if we learn to forgive one another (: its difficult i understand, but no matter how tough, Jesus also forgave us who are so not worthy of His forgiveness.. what more us?

"Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing....." Right at that moment, He stretched out His hands and died.

Forgive our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. As the new year begins, i am surely bound to meet people whom do not agree to the things or decisions i make, but we shall all learn to forgive.

alrighty, time to pack up and head to bed soon because its day 2 of the orientation HGL camp.
love,
van (:

Did i make the right choice by taking a step back?

    
                I think i did. and i guess its high time that i learn to do it myself and not wait for something to happen. obviously deep within i feel that burden of something big emerging, but i know that the words of God is much greater than the words of men. i have chose to taken this path, and i hope that they respect it just like how i respect it so much. i took a deep breathe and decided that this is what i want. or maybe what God has impressed upon me. im not too sure if what i did was really the right thing, but i know there is no turning back after i have sent the mail.
        After returning to Hanoi, many things are different, i feel all of a sudden, out of place and this is when i feel its time to leave. Its been awhile since the thought of leaving the ministry have been on my mind. Or rather, it isnt leaving the entire ministry, but rather its leaving the praise ministry in lync. i dont think its leaving, its taking a break from all the hassle. Taking a break, to be like Mary, sitting at the feet of Jesus and be less like martha... I have been busy trying to serve Him that i forgot that i need to read His word daily and retreat to His side daily. the trip to Hanoi really opened my eyes and increased my sensitivity to God's still voice.
          Leaving is never an answer to ending, its running away. so im not leaving, but rather taking time off to really get right with God. What more this year is a crucial year. And i want to dedicate much more time to studying for Him. Learning to say no and of course learning to allow Him to take first place in my life.
           "God, give me the courage to face whatever is to come in front of me. Be it the gossips, the trials, the temptations, the storms and the rainy seasons..." This year, i want to do something different about my life. i want to make a commitment to God that I will walk closer with Him day by day. Help me not to lose focus of the eternal goal im pressing forward to Lord.
            i give thanks for the sudden courage to click "send" and give thanks for the understanding people around me that really support me in taking that step of faith to make that decision.
             Indeed, 2011 is gonna be different (: i can promise that.

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3: 17

love, van

im back (:

Finally back again, and it feels good to be back..just that the moment, TR2309 landed in Singapore, suddenly a flood of burdens came flushing in..haha. i can sense the amount of work waiting for me..and the feeling is terrible. but but but, after going away for 12 days, it was definitely refreshing for me and i feel that the Lord's hand is upon me (: alrighty, i cant post a long one about Hanoi, but i will soon do it when i have settled down more...new room = more packing, big luggage= more packing, school is starting = TIME TO MUG AND COMPLETE ASSIGNMENTS... pout.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY, happy new year (:

love van (a new start!)