How time flies now, and it has been about almost 7 months since school started and in a blink of an eye, im already about to seat for my final exams coming up in May. As much as it may seem like a long time being in school, i have no idea how those months just past like that haha. But nonetheless, being in uni is always an honor to be honest. I'd rather be doing this (studying) for the rest of my life than to face the crude world out there filled with realistic politics and irrational behaviours of mankind.
Being in the position of where i am now, and knowing that after this stage and phase, there is no longer gonna be oh a new school or a new graduation to look forward to. Its no longer that. Its reality. Its worklife. I guess i havent come to terms with that yet, or should i say i still havent come to terms that all that i have been looking forward to when i was a kid, is finally here. All the "being 21 and ruling the world" kind of mindset. It doesnt seem as fun and like a fantasy sort as how i visioned it to be when i was still in my childhood years. And im starting to get the 'how when you're young you cant wait to grow up, but once you're older, you just wanna go back in time'. I comprehend that now. hahaha.
But coming back to the whole "future prospects" issue, where am i heading next? TBH, im not sure yet. Im not sure where im heading, or what my future holds, or who i will be in the future. The next Miss Cheng who teaches Ecnonomics in a random Junior College? Or the next Artist wanna-be somewhere out there? Or a postgraduate furthering her studies in Economics? Or a female Air Force Cadet just trying to make a small difference by contributing to the defence ministry. Those are just some of the options i have as for now.
At times it scares me to know that i cant see the path in front of me. And even if the people out there tells me " I know you can do it", "Come on van, you are so smart please.", or " Just do your best and you will surely make it, i know you study very hard." But deep down, im not too sure if those sentiments are exactly true. Does it really mean that if you try your hardest you will succeed? I havent experienced that yet. But to push out all the negativities, nonetheless, dont give up. As long as you dont give up, there will always be hope.
"It doesnt matter how slow you do, as long as you do not stop." Confucious.
You owe it to no one for your failures or successes, and all you have is yourself. People can be there to guide you, to encourage you, to reprimand you, but if you dont buckle up and push yourself, no one can.
Yap, so its gonna be up to me to roll that dice when the time comes (:
Anyway, done with all the future stuff and school stuff hahaha. Its gonna be another 2 and a half weeks before Alv commission and its such a honour for him i believe. Really happy that he has come thus far all the way from BMT and im really proud for my boy (: hee hee. the past 9 months have been i believe really though for him, but a very humbling experience as well. Where will God bring him to next? Im not too sure either, but wherever God leads him to, it is always the best choice. I believe even for me, without God it wouldnt have been possible to go through these long periods when Alv is not around. Really thank God for friends like Jas and Aaron Chang and my family who made these periods easier to go by. Most of all, God. He just makes all things beautiful and special i guess (:
Recently I bought a new Hillsong United song called "Oceans (Where my feet may fall)" and it speaks of how when oceans rise just like when troubles come upon us, we can trust in Him.
Part of the lyrics, goes like this:
"So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine"
Just like it speaks to me, i know it speaks to many as well.
Love, Van
