Home is where your heart always returns to

Finally we're back to our own home. Actually since sunday we kinda moved back officially. But we've still been trying to settle down and really packing through all the things that is essential. The renovation has taken 5 weeks to complete and i'm just so thankful that its over now. Missed my personal space so much. But im so thankful for our home. You really dont know how much you miss something until you lose it. For the past 5 weeks our family have compromised so much to move into my uncle's place and all of us shared one room. Daddy slept on the sofa every night and i slept on the floor. Nonetheless, its all come to past and at least we're thankful for my uncle accepting us and really providing us with a shelter that we needed.
So we started cleaning the house bit by bit from last friday onwards. The renovation made the whole house all filled with dusts it was terrible trying to clean everything. haha but it was fun i guess. The whole renovation wasnt completed only until yesterday. So while we moved back in, we still had all the contractors coming in in the day to finish up the tiny ends to the reno for our home. And its just amazing how our home has changed. New kitchen which i cant wait to cook and bake. YES! A proper oven that we finally invested in. Its soooooo beautiful hahah. Finally i can really do all kinds of desserts that i've always wanted to try (: and now our kitchen and yard looks like a condominium standard haha. (Not bragging but just exclaiming how excited i am over this new thing at home) And new toilets. They managed to repair the pipe and now our toilet has a whole new look. New tiles, flooring, basin, toilet bowl etc. haha. And also a new shoe cabinet which now currently fits my 55 pairs of shoes. (I never knew i owned that many pairs of shoes until their all laid out and i counted them) yap. and there are other new stuffs at home but i shall just skip them. But down to the bottom line of it all, I'm so glad to be home and now with all the new changes and new looks that we have, it makes me look forward to going home cause its like now our house looks bigger and cleaner (: With all the cleaning done due to the reno, spring cleaning's gonna be slightly easier this year (: which is extremely good news hahaha.
Yap. And also Beach Bonanza and SRC commitments have finally come to an end for this year and its time to concentrate on my studies (: since i decided and chose this path, i shall give my all for it (:

Its down to another 13 days before alv comes back. I dont really know why but this time round with his departure, i feel so emotionless about it. Like my heart kinda has turned cold towards his absence. I guess its for the better. And our relationship has once again reached another milestone. Which is good i believe. It does not exactly feel like my world is tumbling down anymore hahaha. I cant wait for him to be back (: kinda excited to show him our "new" home.

Hmmm i guess with all the changes, it marks a good start for the new year for us. Furthermore, this year is gonna be soooo different i suppose. I cant wait for more exciting moments that God has installed for me and the loved ones around me. Oh yah, Jas seems to be having fun in Bangkok... Me so envious of her haha. I cant wait for her to be back with all my souvenirs hahah.. Hmm how i wish i could shop also.. so many things on my wish list i wanna get. okee im simply rambling on and on.. so thats it for now.

God bless,
Van (:

"For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything." - Hebrews 3:4

Reflections

Like any other nights, i laid on my bed last night, i just couldnt go to sleep or i should say i couldnt let my mind go to rest. Looking back to the time when i made my decisions for the application to university, i realised i made a choice not knowing exactly what i want to do or what i see myself achieving in the near future. What's my aspirations? I remember how i dreamt to be a doctor in secondary school, but then my results could not get me into the class which offered pure sciences. And my direction was made to change. And when i graduated from secondary school, it was a blur vision ahead of me. Where was i heading? O level results was released and yet again, where i hoped to go, the junior college that i was aiming for, was far beyond my reach. And i got accepted into Innova Junior College. It took me awhile to accept the fact that i was there and there was nothing i could to change that fact. Choosing my choice of subjects was also made without serious thoughts and considerations. But shortly not long after school started, i fell in love with what i was doing. I fell in love with Geography. Something i thought i would want to pursue in my future. Studying the wonder of God's creation and just marvelling at the amazing natures of the world. I thought, well its something i love and i thought i found my passion. The environment. But once again, i was rejected of what i hoped for. A level results have once again caused me to make a decision otherwise. And once again, ahead of me is a vision so unclear. It scares me at times to know that im just not good enough for the society i live in. And then there i am, in SIM, in the Bachelor of Science (Honours) in Economics. It started off quite well i suppose. I've convinced myself that i could do this and i will survive through this 3 years and make it out there as a teacher. But as months fly by, i start to realise that if it isnt your passion, there's no way you could force it in. Its the same logic as loving a person. If you dont love the person, dragging on and convincing yourself that you love him, its just simply a lie. And one very day you will wake up from that lie and regret all that you have done. So i'm stuck in this horrible dilemma which i could have prevented. I guess thats my bad habit. Jumping into something i thought could become what i truly wanna do, but shortly after jumping into it, i realised that it isnt what i really wanted. Wasted time, effort, other peoples' time and effort, and most of all, the hard earned money of my parents.
But just like what Jas said, its better to waste money now then to waste your future away. It does make some sense there. I know that its my future at stake. And there's no more time to waste,  no more " its okay im still young to try it all out", its my future. Future.
Knowing that i will have to be responsible for my rash decisions, i will gamble once more. Since i've made the payment for my exams for the coming May examinations, i will do my best, and i mean my best and put my all to completing all the papers. And if the results show a 2nd upper at least, i will choose to stay. But if the results are mediocre, i believe that would be a sign for me to pursue what i believe has been my dream or what i love doing. Art.
No matter where  i went or did or study, deep within, there was always that van who loved art so dearly. I guess the greatest inspiration was from mummy. At the age of 9 i realise art was a form of destress, and doddling and random sketches was just part of me wherever i went. When lectures got boring and dry, i would just do random sketches on my notes. Somehow sketching allowed me to absorb what the lecturer was teaching more so...But i was never given a chance to fulfill this passion of mine. When i was year 2 in secondary school, the principal of SOTA (School of the arts) offered me a placing there, but daddy didnt see a future art could bring. And he thought that it would be wasting a year since i would have to go back to year 1 again and start all over again.
So it is right to fight for what i want? Is it too late to say that? I guess all i was afraid of was disappointing mummy and daddy. I've never stepped out of the boundary. I went the way i deemed as decent of what they expected. Although yet again they didnt expect much of my education. They didnt expect me to top the cohort or get all the As a student could have, neither did they fill my mondays to fridays with extra tuition. Im thankful for them, for all they have done. If only i had the ability to afford my own education. But i dont.
Just like i promised, im gonna give my all for the coming papers and then work from there i believe. So i guess i've got to start now before its too late.

love, van

 PS. I miss you. Hope everything is well in Taiwan.

Here's to a better year ahead

I believe its good to begin this post with a "short" reflection about the year 2012. Hmm where do i start. Firstly, i believe that my life is really really different from how it was in 2011. Gone are those days when i was schooling in a one coloured uniform. And gone are the times when all i was fighting for was for the A levels. The 2012 year has set my life on new platforms and also opened my eye alittle more to the world that exist beyond my imagination. For 6 to 7 months i was school-less and i was as if living on thin air. I had no idea where life was bringing me next. What does my future hold? At that point in time, i was unclear. Rejection letters came in one by one. And i lost hope. And i feared. While everyone was overjoyed with their side of good news. I was shattered. But not all of hope was gone. I was accepted into UOL-SIM, Econs. I was thankful for that opportunity again. Though i may not be coping well as i thought i would and at times is still shaken by the fact that people have prejudice against students from SIM, im still thankful and grateful for the vacancy. On the other hand, our journey at St Andrew's (SAC) also took a twist. Since i started my journey at SAC, i always thought that that was where i belong. And thought that that was home. But life really surprises you at times when you least expect it. Now our family has began our new journey at Redemption Hill Church. A small yet warm church. There are many expatriates there with their families but yet it feels nice to be there. (: Next, from a family of 4, now i'm happy to announce that our little princess is 1 year old already. And it has been 1 year since i started learning to take care of a baby. And rather experienced i must say (: haha. And ever since she entered our lives, going home has always been a very fruitful thing. I look forward to go home, open the door and see her happy and joyful face expecting my return. What a joy indeed. And lastly i thank God for these changes. Good or bad, i believe He planned them for a reason. Furthermore, Alv has made a big step in his journey with the army. in 2011, he entered the army, went through BMT with the Obese pes, gotten the Best recruit award and was blessed to be in OCS. He finished his service term well in the Sierra wing, and proceeding to his professional term in Golf Wing as a Infantry cadet. Our courtship has indeed also emerged stronger. And i'm thankful for his successes. 2012 has been a year of changes. Adapatation to all the changes. And to end the year, our family is now crashing at our uncle's house because of the renovation at home. More adapatation. But all these changes mould us and shape us to be better and stronger for what's ahead. 

As 2013 begins, i pray that it will be a more fruitful year and of course a year of many more blessings. I guess im gonna list my new year resolutions below. hahah (:

• Put God as my priority
• Study hard and know that a Honours Degree dont come easy
• Be a more understanding friend and daughter and girlfriend
• Be a listener more than a talker
• Be disciplined
• Improve on my anger management
• Work Hard for my goals be it losing weight or being neat or etc.
• To know nothing else is greater than my daddy God 
• To stay positive 
• Raise my self esteem alittle, just alittle
• And cherish my friends more

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all things will be given unto you." 

- Matthew 6:33

Love, Van