It's never easy to be on the right side of the path, but its NOT IMPOSSIBLE

Recently did this up on my wall as a reminder

Lets see, where did i last end off.
i guess its when news just broke out about my withdrawal from SIM i guess. Although all has been said and done, im left with heading down to SIM to sign the withdrawal papers. and that will be the end of the journey there. Like it never happened before.
But well, the past week or so, i've been heading slowly but steadily into the next phase of my life. Preparing myself to ensure and grasp all possibilities that will affirm my decision to head into the arts. Like arts arts. And im starting to get all sketchy and all artsy.
SO the big question is, "Is this what God has in mind? If it is, where will He lead me to?" These are the 2 questions i ask myself every single day. At least 3 times every hour i can be certain.
The past month, juniors from Innova who just finished a level least year applied for their uni application, and so did Isabelle and Joyce, so did Jasmine and so did Alv. Most of which i heard from were good news, and more thankfully for Alv, he received interviews for both the course he applied for. History and Sports Science Management in NTU. And i accompanied him for the interview for the History course. Sitting there at a random table in the heart of NTU's School of Humanities and Social Sciences, all i could think of is, will this be my future.
And everytime i scroll through facebook, i see many dearly loved friends received their acceptance for local uni entry. And i wonder again. Will i be able to share the same joy in the coming year. Its undeniable that im extremely happy for them, but at the same time, i breakdown alittle on the inside.
Because the past one year of my life, i was literally lost in the wilderness. Alone. God-less most of the time. And i drifted.
So as my heading suggested, its never easy to do what is right in God eyes, because we're all made in perfect, but its not impossible. Because Jesus came for that reason. To make us clean again so that we can turn to God once again. So this coming year, and months to come, its time for a revival.
Whatever its gonna take, i hope it pays off. As much as not everyone will understand and comprehend my decision, as long as i know im fixing my eyes on God, thats the main thing. Not by the eyes of men, but by God's standards. only His will meet the cut.
So im definitely looking forward to what's install for me and my journey ahead.

"The choices you make today, lead to your consequences tomorrow"

Love,
Van

A new beginning, back to square one, but now the right way

 Late night insomnias, troubled mind blown moments, crying myself to sleep, unnecessary stresses and many more, All these have finally came to an end for now. The past months, i have been in a mental conflict about what i was doing with my life; academic sense. Was being in SIM truly where i was meant to be, my heart says no. But i could not come to terms with it and be truthful about it. I just allow time to past and i fooled myself to believe that being there was where i belong.
And after many many months, i finally took the courage to talk to my parents about it. Because i felt like i was huge disappointment to myself and allowing myself to make such a huge mistake ever. Monetary wise, time wise, and all the little efforts they made for me to pursue an education that i desire.
And now, its back to square one. A second chance. Im ever thankful for this opportunity and this time right, i hope im gonna do it the right way. With God in the equation. Where will He lead me to, and where is that place that He has in plan for my future.
So many questions about the whole "Future" issue that sometimes, i get lost with getting worried and lost in just simply thinking of all the possibilities, i forgot to sought after Him and listen to that still small voice of is. And indeed im wrong all the time. Choosing to hold on to my pride, choosing to believe that my ways may be wiser than His. But i never really come to terms, until i reach that dead end and i cant go on any longer.
Nonetheless, getting out of SIM, im relieved because for the past 7 months being there, i dont feel belonged. Out of place most of the time, mentally. Especially in that whole theatre of students who are so clear of that goal, but future, was yet a blur vision. I didnt know where i was heading. i was simply going to any direction i deemed as possible, but not something i desire.
So after receiving the green light from my parents, i've finally started to go towards what draws me. Art. And am planning that few baby steps ahead to bring me closer to where i aim to go. And im happy that i've started to be hungry for His word. Knowing that in His word, i can find peace and calmness in my spirit. Casting all anxieties unto Him. Indeed it feels good to know that you dont have to carry your burdens, but He understands.
I hope that in the near future, whatever that i am about to pursue, i can use it to serve God's people, as His useful tool to bring blessing to many others around.
Yap, so i can never be more thankful for the family in my life and people around me that has made small differences to push me onward to go even further (:

"For i know the plans i have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11