Just like that, in a blink of an eye, 2 months is almost over since the start of 2013. And i wonder where did all the time flew to. 2 months into 2013 and im still draggin my feet like i used to in 2012. I still write dates with 2012 at the back, i still feel the same old me, and i dont think the new year has changed any bit about me from 2012.
We're currently in the 6th day of the Lunar Chinese New Year. On the 4th day, all the hyped seemed to have died down already. And life goes back to where it belonged. But for me, im still stuck in that holiday mood i suppose. As much as i know prelims are just round the corner, i cant seem to find that urgency to push for it anymore. I guess thats the aftermath effect of Alevels. During the month before A levels, i worked so hard, pushed so hard that i never imagined myself to. I gave all i had and i had nothing to lose. Late night studying sessions consecutively in school til 9 plus when the auntie's will chase us out and we were the last to go home, all the sleepless nights burning the midnight oil just to revise through over and over again. I guess after all that had been done, the results that came out, didnt really show me much justice. Which is why im tired of pushing. Tired of really going all out. Because i fear. the fear of failure. What if even after pushing hard, the results dont show. What if its just gonna be a mediocre pass. Im not determined to face that circumstance i suppose.
But after all had been said and done, i have made this choice for this course and therefore i have no choice but to stick with it i guess.
*Chasing all the negative vibes away*
Anyway, yesterday was Valentine's Day. The one day in the year which i feel alot for. I guess its the one day in the year that you can outwardly proclaim your love for one another and outwardly hold flowers in public and not get weird looks cause its some sort of "legal". But it was a different case for me. I stayed home all alone on the rainy valentines's day and watched the move "Valentine's Day" and "P.S I Love You" both are such sweet movies and really shows the power of love. Once in awhile browsing through Instagram and facebook and just being happy for all those who had received so much love from their loved ones. All the beautiful flowers and romantic dining. All sorts of ideas and gifts that loved ones prepared for one another. In the movie "Valentine's Day" there was a part that said "When you truly love someone, you love them not just for the part of them that are easily lovable, but you also love part of them that are hard to love, and thats when you truly love someone; when you love every part of them." Those may not be the exact words, but it was something like that. How touching and i cant agree more.
As much as i would have loved to spend the special day with alv, he was "locked" in camp and there was nothing we could do about it. Sooooooo i shall just have to be patient and wait for the up coming years to come where we could spend Valentine's day on the actual day and all other festives after he ORD. But like many have said, if you truly love someone, everyday can be valentine's day. Not just on February the 14th. It simply is just a day to celebrate love, but all other 364 days, should be the same. Yap.
Its down to 2 weeks before the prelims, and i guess its time to start pushing for somewhat something i think will bring me a future. hope to blog real soon again (:
Nonetheless, i believe that in the year 2013, God has something special all planned out for our lives. Its said that we have to be broken down, compressed and moulded in order for God's will to succeed in our lives. As such, it may not be all that smooth sailing ahead, but he promised that at the end of the day we will still be able to find that silver lining. And thats the hope we can trust in. Although ahead of me is such a unclear future, im sure He has it controlled. And thats all i know. To trust that He has a plan.
Love,
Van
