3rd Day: Its getting clearer now

Now that Alv is gone away for his training, it just makes it so much clearer that he is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. Everything seems to remind about him. Whatever i do, things i pass by while going home and the list goes on. Just simply makes me miss him even more now that he's away and out of my life physically for this one month.
As much as it gives me space and personal time, it creates a void within, but a good and healthy one i guess. Now that he's away, i've made new goals that i set for myself. What more its high time i start to do something about my life. There are so many things that i want to change in my life. My weight, my hair, my style, my attitude and my faith in God.
Ever since JC life ended, i somehow lost the motivation to push for things in life. I no longer find the determination to play tennis and run like i used to, and gone are the days where studying was something i enjoy doing. And i need to find a motivation for myself. Somehow. And stop all the procrastination and excuse finding issue. But whatever i hope to change with my life, i hope that Alv will stay the same, and that God's love for me will remain the same as well.
Anyway, its 3 days already ever since Boo is away. And everyday he would text me and call me, which i am very thankful of. But im just kinda worried for the bill that he is to take on. I guess these are the moments where he truly expresses how much he loves me. And these moments certainly allows me to confirm once again that he is the one for me.

Shall rest for the night now.

Just recalling a few amazing moments we had once shared. We've been through obstacles, still many to overcome, but they will simply make our love stronger <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

My 18th birthday

His 18th birthday (:

First photo booth session together

                                      1st week of jan 2012

Anyway, today we hit one year and seven months in our courtship together. Time flies (: 

Love, van

2nd Day: Some facts of life

" I came that they may have life and have it abundantly" - John 10:10



Pushing the blame.I guess we're all guilty of that time to time at some point in our lives.Came across an incident today that made me think and ponder about it. Honestly, i am guilty of it alot of times. But i guess its just human nature to wanna remain innocent.
However, just as many many incidents have occured at home and i have been deeply scarred by them, i start to realised that, im just like a replica of my parents. And the sad part is, they dont realise that. My attitude, the way i vent my anger, the way i talk back, how i "irritate" them (quoting the exact word). Im just a replica. And when i vent out my anger, i get scolded, not just scolded, but reprimanded. Slapped even. But the harsh truth is, I'm actually just a replica. They scold me because of how disrespectful i am and how i talk back, but the fact is, they are disliking their own character which they dont see in themselves. Thats the joke and irony of all times isnt it. Thats what i dont really like aw well, that im like them.
But the sad truth of all is, i have no choice, but to endure and keep it all in. Honestly, i know all that i have typed are negativities. However, throughout all these "dramas", I'm trying to see God's hand behind it all. Just like a friend have told me, " every family has their problems and stories, but no matter what, God is behind it all. After all, thats how we grow isnt it, to hit the wall and know that it hurts and never to hit the wall again.
I'm still learning to digest all of the having to be more "understanding" thingy and all, understand that my family have rough patches to overcome, understanding that we all have stresses in our lives. But when will they realised that, what i am today, its simply a replica of them, which they are displeased with.
In the process of growing up, sometimes I realised that I'm just a shadow. A shadow that follows wherever the human goes, a shadow that can never escape from the human, a shadow that walks, talks, eats, shouts, cries like the human.
Anyway on a side track, I figured out that the only way to make peace and calm myself down is to blog it all out. All the emotions, all the tiredness, and all the tears. Now that Alv is gone for another 3 weeks in Brunei, its gonna be singehood lifestyle again. Setting new goals, targets and more time to do more stuff on my own. There are pros and cons to this, but i still miss him. He was my blog, which was why my blog can be dead for months because i always had him around to share my testimonies of how God worked in my life everyday, whenever times were down he was also the listening ear. But once he's gone, that part in my life is missing. therefore blogging comes in as a healthy substitute for me to clear stuff on my mind.

"Through it all, God will be there, for He will never let you walk through valleys of darkness alone"

Love,
van