In HIS time i guess....

today, i took up the courage once again and went to the bloodbank @HSA at outram. yap, to none other than...to donate blood. i went on monday, but it was closed. so poor me and dad went all the way there, but it was closed. sadly. yet again, i decided to go. this time, we went further then just the carpark entrance. went to fill up the form, got myself checked up and dah dah dah...all the questions asked, blood pressure taken. and then was the haemoglobin test. got a tiniy winy blood test which felt like a ant bite. haha. and then...the nurse went like " vanessa cheng wan ting, okay you can go in now with your form" ...garh i was super duper nervous

but i knew the reason i was there. i wanted to make a difference in someone's life.so i sat there on that scary chair waiting for my turn to like get my blood donated. and i was looking at everyone sitting opposite me. And it seems like it didnt hurt at all. like i was a very easy thing. maybe it was my first time, i was getting butterflies in my tummy. haha. yap, and then this really scary looking nurse came up to me and started to put pressure on my arm again and she gave me this hear thingy to squeeze. she pumped the pressure on my right arm...and said no good, cant see anything.." and then she went on to try on the left arm..her expression said it all..." your vein is too small, my needle is much bigger..." oh no...it was like so close yet so far. and i need to do more push ups she said..haha. and so that was it. but then again i reflected, maybe it was not God's plan for it to happen today...maybe He had other plans for me this week. so i believe it was His plan. and in His timing, i will be able to do it soon. i believe. (: although it did not go well, im still thankful to God for this opportunity that i had to visit the blood bank. so maybe the next time i go back, it would be better.

back to school today and i thought the day started well..but nope it didnt. just right at the first period of civics lesson, i flared up at Chuen. and that really really did spoil my whole day. it was obvious i guess. i flared up not solely based on that one issue, but 3 times. but after i retaliated, i felt awful. terrible. the feeling was just so.uncomfortable i felt regreful for my actions. but then again i thought about it. that incident could be a example of God giving me the chance to be patient, but i failed the test. badly. and im really feeling so remorseful about it. i feel really bad. and i really do hope that i can learn to control my emotions better the next time and not flare up like how i did.

other than the issue in the morning, the bookshop auntie also scolded me..it just wasnt may day today. went to bookshop to collect new geography notes and pay up for the other accounts we missed out last week...and she got angry at me. oh no..at that moment, it felt like another pile of rocks just came crashing down on me once again. and i went deeper. it felt terrible to be like encountering such things twice in a roll.

if not for the presence of xy and dan, i believe i would have broke down. not because i was weak, but because it was just...terrible. i dont really know what i can do, but im learning to let Him be in control instead of me.

but all in all, school went alright, and im glad it did. apart from that, im not gonna give up hope about donating blood, but i will keep trying til i am able to donate my first packet of blood. God bless all and i love HIM (:

van