Its been awhile since i stayed up, instead of blogging or tumblring, I was studying. Rather proud of myself for taking this step of courage to move out of procrastination. The past months i haven't been very motivated and started to just live as the day goes by, there was nothing i was chasing for nor a goal i wanted to achieve with my life. I'm not too sure if what im hoping for is truly what my future holds, but at least now i have something in mind. Something to push me on and to bring me back to that van who was once motivated and would do everything to achieve that goal.
I guess the biggest obstacle in my way, is the fear of failure once again. The failure that felt like i dropped from a thousand feet high right straight to the ground and there was no way back up. And no matter how hard i tried, i realised all i was doing was to avoid and run away from the fact that i have failed. Gave myself all kinds of excuses to make myself feel better. But that never last. It just gives you more reason to make up more excuses.
Furthermore, i realised the only person or thing that can pull you out of the failure, is yourself. Only yourself. Your friends and loved ones can be there to encourage you and talk to you, but if you yourself dont acknowledge that you need to get back up again and move on, no one else can. Just like the saying goes, 'If you dont help yourself, even God cant help you.' As harsh as it seems, its the fact. And i've come to realise that the truth is always the harshest. And we've just to face it. Failures break us down so hard i agree, but they make us stronger. Once you fail and fall, the only way out, is to get back up again.
Therefore, i'm hoping to give my all and try to organize my life alittle before the year ends and a new year will begin again. Hoping for the best.
Yap, so i burnt the night oil tonight, managed to catch up on the notes for my business management lectures, and econs alittle. Got ready for tomorrow's econs tutorial. But there's still lots to do, especially on the packing part. We're shifting to aunt's house tmr ): not too excited for the shift cause it means im losing my privacy and i no longer have the liberty of my space to spend and enjoy the silence of the night which i love. But, 1 month will fly by (i hope it zooms past).
Oh yah, i fell in with two new songs. 1. Marry Me - Train 2. When I was your man- Bruno Mars. Yes they are contrasting songs. Marry me is just simply sweet and i feel in love with it when the live band at the wedding dinner yesterday sang it, and the words just touched me. Whereas for the second song, its so realistic as to how some guys only come to realise what they've lost after relationships have been broken. But its too late for time to reverse. And the ballad that Bruno mars did, is so sincere. The song reminded me of a past i dont like to recall, and wished the guy felt the same way when he chose to let me go. (evil me haha) But anyways the song taught me to cherish and give your all to the person you love. Not waiting for a chance to regret or look back and realised that you havent loved a particular person enough. It would be too late by then. I dont wish to feel the same guilt like how the song does.
Guess its late enough. 1:51am. Time to head to bed or else i'm gonna be late for school, or looking like a zombie when i go to school. hahahah. Good night
Another 8 days to go to hear your voice again.
Love while you still can,
Van
No comments:
Post a Comment