School i mean academic wise, i feel like i'm able to focus alittle more than i used to. Which is good. However while i hope to fully put my heart into studying, there are so many others things out there that's making it tough for me to fully concentrate and do well for all the assignments.
There's tuition which currently im taking two students. And one which i'm having problems with the commitment because the parent expects so much more out of me, wanting me to give the girl 4 times a week of tuition. The other student's family is rather compromising so thats one thing i'm thankful for. And once again, being weak at saying no and turning people down, is one of my absolute absolute weakness. I cant bring myself to disappoint others or to say no and just leave like that. Whats the best way for doing it? For telling her that my time is just not enough to stretch anymore for me to go down to teach her daughter who is in great need of support for her studies. Sigh
And there's Student Council commitments. Though i'm not there at times for the meetings and gatherings, i still have to be accountable to them and do my part for whatever that needs planning for. And when i do turn up for meetings, chances are that it ends late because of all the socializing and at times it isnt really productive. Taking up one day a week, but apart from the meetings, there are no behind the scene wrk to be done at home etc.
And there's church. This is one of the commitments that i fully enjoy serving in. And its never going to be at the bottom of the list. Instead, its one of the first, because God is first. Every 1st and 3rd saturday of the month, there is praise duty.
And apart from all of that, there are so many other upcoming stuff that i need to attend to. Just right now, im busy packing my clothes and essentials for moving to uncle's house, and tomorrow we're heading to Malacca. All that packing takes time and sucks up energy as well. And what more, there's christmas coming, lots of catching up meetings with all my loved that i've been missing, and in jan my wisdom tooth extraction which i have to go for 2 check ups before the real surgery.
I'm on the verge on breaking down about being so stretched. And so before the year ends, i'm gonna sit down and start to plan of letting go on the commitments that i know that i can let go of. Like what alv always say, "what's ur role and duty now? Its to be a student and study hard." Thats so true.
But i tend to struggle with balancing with the things i need to do, and the things i want to do. At times, the things that i want to do, end up becoming things i need to do and i dread them after awhile. So currently now, i'm having a love-hate relationship between my brain and my heart. Gonna need time to spend with God, just with Him and to ask Him what He has in plan for my life.
I guess thats the challenge of it, to really clear out the trash in my life and all the stuff that are unnecessary and really just focus on all the essential things i need to do with my life. Which now, its obviously to study.
Nonetheless, i'm tired and miss having alv around where i could pour all my trash and let it all out, talk it all out with him and he will be like my filter to clear and clean up my emotionals, setting me back on track with God's word in mind. In great need of that now. I miss you. It seems like everything else wasnt really going well with my life but you. When you're around life feels easier to go by. Me being cheesy again. But even now typing about you i feel slightly better and i can smile.hee hee.
Driving out all the negativities and putting in back all the positivities.
Love,
Van
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