2nd Day: Some facts of life

" I came that they may have life and have it abundantly" - John 10:10



Pushing the blame.I guess we're all guilty of that time to time at some point in our lives.Came across an incident today that made me think and ponder about it. Honestly, i am guilty of it alot of times. But i guess its just human nature to wanna remain innocent.
However, just as many many incidents have occured at home and i have been deeply scarred by them, i start to realised that, im just like a replica of my parents. And the sad part is, they dont realise that. My attitude, the way i vent my anger, the way i talk back, how i "irritate" them (quoting the exact word). Im just a replica. And when i vent out my anger, i get scolded, not just scolded, but reprimanded. Slapped even. But the harsh truth is, I'm actually just a replica. They scold me because of how disrespectful i am and how i talk back, but the fact is, they are disliking their own character which they dont see in themselves. Thats the joke and irony of all times isnt it. Thats what i dont really like aw well, that im like them.
But the sad truth of all is, i have no choice, but to endure and keep it all in. Honestly, i know all that i have typed are negativities. However, throughout all these "dramas", I'm trying to see God's hand behind it all. Just like a friend have told me, " every family has their problems and stories, but no matter what, God is behind it all. After all, thats how we grow isnt it, to hit the wall and know that it hurts and never to hit the wall again.
I'm still learning to digest all of the having to be more "understanding" thingy and all, understand that my family have rough patches to overcome, understanding that we all have stresses in our lives. But when will they realised that, what i am today, its simply a replica of them, which they are displeased with.
In the process of growing up, sometimes I realised that I'm just a shadow. A shadow that follows wherever the human goes, a shadow that can never escape from the human, a shadow that walks, talks, eats, shouts, cries like the human.
Anyway on a side track, I figured out that the only way to make peace and calm myself down is to blog it all out. All the emotions, all the tiredness, and all the tears. Now that Alv is gone for another 3 weeks in Brunei, its gonna be singehood lifestyle again. Setting new goals, targets and more time to do more stuff on my own. There are pros and cons to this, but i still miss him. He was my blog, which was why my blog can be dead for months because i always had him around to share my testimonies of how God worked in my life everyday, whenever times were down he was also the listening ear. But once he's gone, that part in my life is missing. therefore blogging comes in as a healthy substitute for me to clear stuff on my mind.

"Through it all, God will be there, for He will never let you walk through valleys of darkness alone"

Love,
van

Procrastination

Term break is coming to an end now and honestly, i havent done much. Seriously dont understand how time can really fly by sooo quickly. it scares me at times.. anyway, i have been down with flu and cough for like 2 weeks already and its still here. Hmmm i guess partly its due to me being lazy, missing out on all the necessary medications what not. pout.
Its thursday already, and Alv's scorpion king ended today (: soooo i got texts from him which is gooddddd (:(:(:(:
SRC's commitment level are starting to get a toll on me.. hmm gotta prepare to head to school for the meeting at 7pm already ):

Found a new hobby

Recently, i've started to embark on a new hobby, knitting. Mummy was packing her study room and she actually found a bag of her knitting tools that she had like 10 years back , together with those tools with a unfinished knitted top which was meant to be knitted for me when i was about 8 to 9 years old Up to date im 19 and she hasnt finished yet. haha. But anyway so she decided to pick that hobby back again and i randomly followed her to the shop, and randomly fell in love with this new hobby. I find it really amazing how useful and wonderful our hands are. With our hands created by the Great Almighty above, we can create beautiful things with them. And im amazed by how simple it is to pick up that skill of knitting and you can make clothes, bags, scarfs, beanies, and countless of things. Amazing is the only word.
And anyway, since alv has been really busy with OCS and his field camp, knitting takes away stresses. i can knit all day and not think about anything, just knit and knit and knit.. and before i knew it, i've finished one roll of wool and time flies. Spending "me" time once again. Quite alot of it. Especially now that im still sick.. so knitting its quite stress free.
Keep calm and knit on.

Love,
van

Seeking my First love

Well, i guess i have heard it somewhere before, that God is our first love, and indeed, He first loved me before I even knew Him, before i was even formed in my mummy's womb. How magnificent is that huh. As much as i may not admit or come to terms with, I have lost my first love in many occasions. I forget Him, I ignore His good advices, i disappoint Him in many occasions, i make Him angry at the choices and decisions i make. And the worse of all, at times, i dont even trust Him enough.

From this month onwards, something new is about to happen. I no longer will attend the usual sunday service at 9am, nor sing at 9am anymore, but this saturday onwards, the new 5pm sunset service will start in church. And to top it all off, Alv's gonna start attending church with me again. Its been my prayer, or actually a burden in my heart for the longest time that Alv will come to truly know and recognise God as His Lord and Saviour. Although yes, a year and half ago he did open his heart to the Lord, however he could not attend church and get follow ups because of army and family reasons. But now finally, and i pray that God will do great wonders in his life. And he will too find his first love.
I'm longing to be back in His arms again, to feel is embrace. Ever since life took alittle detour, it has never been the same again. The journey has been tougher here and there, but we made it through yet so far, and I'm sure we'll find a way back to lead us to God's path. I yearn to see His face once again.

Thats my prayer.

Just last sunday, the preacher preached on the topic of "Are we transforming and growing in Christlikeness?" which urges us to to be sanctified and be transformed, putting away our old self and be renewed in the knowledge after the image of our creator. The sermon was based on Ephesians 4:17- 5:2.
Its said that transformation, is a lifelong process. A process. A process which includes a lifelong change, it has to be intentional, and all-of-life.
We need a revival and a change. The true battle, the spiritual battle, IS IN THE MIND.

And once again, there was a song that so easily comes to my mind about how at times when trials come our way, and our human nature just takes control, while God's soft prompting is easily ignored. Just like the angel and devil thingy in our heads.


Thank You Lord

Verse 1
And I thank you Lord
for the trials that come my way
In that way I can grow each day as I let You lead
And I thank You Lord
for the patience those trials bring
In that process of growing I can learn to care

Chorus
But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do
Cos when those trials come
My human nature shouts the thing to do
and God’s soft prompting can be easily ignored

Verse 2
Thank You, Lord with each trial I feel inside
That You’re there to help, lead and guide
me away from wrong
Cos You promised Lord that with ev’ry testing
That Your way of escaping’s easier to bear

Verse 3
I thank You Lord for the vic’try that growing brings
In surrender of everything, life is so worthwhile
And I thank You Lord,
that when ev’rything’s put in place
Out in front I can see Your face
and it’s there You belong

We have a high calling to live a upright life even though we may not be perfect.

Sick in the body, and maybe alittle in the head as well

Been home since monday and tuesday and today im home too. Have been down with the mega virus; the flu bug and the sore throat. Spread from my dear niece whom i was playing with on sunday and her saliva accidently went into my mouth. Yes, ewww, buttt.. thats how i fell sick ): Yap, ever since sunday night, i've been feeling so restless and just dont have that drive to do anything or study. Which is bad. How did i suddenly lose that drive to do anything? I wonder.. Hmmm
As unimaginable as it seems, I've been chasing all the dramas that exist now...korean dramas i mean.. Time flies when you watch dramas.
Anyway school goes on tomorrow and I will have to go for my stats lecture ): hmmm as dreadful as it seems, life goes on and God is in control.
Thank God for really nice classmates like Eliz, Gorden and the rest, I guess i wont be losing out too much from the lectures that i missed (: yappies.
I miss alv... He seems to keep my day going and like making me feel happier even with the virus (: cant wait to see him this sat and to go swimming with him (:

The vow

"I believe God has led me to you above all others and i will honor, cherish, and marry you. No broken hearts. No painful baggage. No walking out." 

When God made you

Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you i believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

Oh i wonder what God was thinking, when He created you.
I wonder if he knew everything I would need,
Because He made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me.

I promise that wherever you may go, wherever life may lead you,
With all my heart I'll be there too.
And from this moment on I want you to know,
I'll let nothing come between us,
And I will love the ones you love.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

He made the sun, He made the moon,
To harmonize a perfect tune,
One cant do without the other, they just have to be together.
And that is how i know its true,
You're for me and I'm for you and my world
Just cant be right without you in my life.

When God mad me, He must've been thinking about me.

I came across that song while i was just browsing at some bible verses on safari. The lyrics of the song made so much sense to me. Its a little cheesy i agree, but its like a wedding song that seems appropriate to be sang on a wedding day. And I would hope to be able to have this song played on my wedding day, to the man whom I will walk life's journey with.
Ever since he entered my life, my life have been changed permanently. And its never a one-man show anymore. Honestly I thank God everyday for him in my life, because I'm blessed to be loved and cherished by one more person other than my family. It has been an interesting journey so far.
However, of course in every relationship, there are ups and downs, and I believe we are facing one of the many challenges that we will have to overcome throughout our journey together.
Ever since he entered the army to serve his national service, time became a limited factor and we no longer have the liberty of time to talk on the phone or even meet. Being understanding has become of the major trait needed in this relationship to go on. It has been a trying period so far, but nonetheless, we are growing stronger by the day i believe.
Just this week, someone gave me a book named " Choosing God's best". Its a book about courting and the difference between courting and dating. And as i start to read on, i realized that I'm investing in a lifelong romance instead of a temporary one which is courtship. Its stated in the book 'The principles of dating are man-centered and culturally determined; courtship principles are God-centered and biblically based.' Indeed, many a times even christians may not know the difference between courtship and dating, and even I did not realize the difference until the book enlightened me. Although I've just started to read it, it seems interesting and I can't to discover more of it. Trusting God to bring our courtship into a deeper level.

"I thank my God every time I remember you." - Philippians 1:3

With a contrite heart,
Van