Pushing the blame.I guess we're all guilty of that time to time at some point in our lives.Came across an incident today that made me think and ponder about it. Honestly, i am guilty of it alot of times. But i guess its just human nature to wanna remain innocent.
However, just as many many incidents have occured at home and i have been deeply scarred by them, i start to realised that, im just like a replica of my parents. And the sad part is, they dont realise that. My attitude, the way i vent my anger, the way i talk back, how i "irritate" them (quoting the exact word). Im just a replica. And when i vent out my anger, i get scolded, not just scolded, but reprimanded. Slapped even. But the harsh truth is, I'm actually just a replica. They scold me because of how disrespectful i am and how i talk back, but the fact is, they are disliking their own character which they dont see in themselves. Thats the joke and irony of all times isnt it. Thats what i dont really like aw well, that im like them.
But the sad truth of all is, i have no choice, but to endure and keep it all in. Honestly, i know all that i have typed are negativities. However, throughout all these "dramas", I'm trying to see God's hand behind it all. Just like a friend have told me, " every family has their problems and stories, but no matter what, God is behind it all. After all, thats how we grow isnt it, to hit the wall and know that it hurts and never to hit the wall again.
I'm still learning to digest all of the having to be more "understanding" thingy and all, understand that my family have rough patches to overcome, understanding that we all have stresses in our lives. But when will they realised that, what i am today, its simply a replica of them, which they are displeased with.
In the process of growing up, sometimes I realised that I'm just a shadow. A shadow that follows wherever the human goes, a shadow that can never escape from the human, a shadow that walks, talks, eats, shouts, cries like the human.
Anyway on a side track, I figured out that the only way to make peace and calm myself down is to blog it all out. All the emotions, all the tiredness, and all the tears. Now that Alv is gone for another 3 weeks in Brunei, its gonna be singehood lifestyle again. Setting new goals, targets and more time to do more stuff on my own. There are pros and cons to this, but i still miss him. He was my blog, which was why my blog can be dead for months because i always had him around to share my testimonies of how God worked in my life everyday, whenever times were down he was also the listening ear. But once he's gone, that part in my life is missing. therefore blogging comes in as a healthy substitute for me to clear stuff on my mind.
"Through it all, God will be there, for He will never let you walk through valleys of darkness alone"
Love,
van
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