10th Day: Sometimes being apart for awhile is healthy for one's relationship

Being apart from alv an being uncontactable had allowed me to sort out some of the thoughts that i had. And now that he's away, there are more time to just ponder about where things went wrong at times and to do self-reflection. With him not being around, i think about the times where i may have taken our limited time for granted. And i just cant help but to feel bad about it. But anyways, over the past few days i've been able to calmly sort out my thoughts. Being as human as anyone else out there, we tend to sprout words that we dont mean when we were angry, and im no different. And i admit that this has been one of my greatness weakness i have which i myself fear it. When im mad, the things i say can be so mean and nasty. But the fact is, i dont mean any of it. I simply said it to make the other party feel bad . And all the time, i mean everytime that happens, i regret immediately. I choose to push away everyone whenever i was feeling the worst. Pushing them far far away from me that dont they wont have the courage to come close or even to console. I'm that scary.
Another big weakness of mine, is that i cant accept it when others outwardly point out my flaws or mistakes. I guess thats the problem of pride that we all have. Pride. At times, even in front of alv, i cant lay down my pride. I cant bring myself to concede defeat i guess. But its getting better already ever since i left JC1. I remembered the first year in JC i didnt have alot of friends because not many could accept my character. But then at the end of year 1, i started to change for the better, changed my methods of dealing with different people, and i start to realise that change of impression that others have towards.
Anyways, its not like these weaknesses wont there or i didnt recognize them, its just that this period while alv is away, im even more sensitive to all of them. I start to realise that time is so precious in our relationship at this point in time. And i need to learn to cherish the time we have together more and not waste it by filling it with all the flaws of mine which can at times make things worse.
As practical as it may seem, we got be the person we want meet and love. Just like what the picture above says. Its true. If we cant even be the person we expect others to be, how is it possible that others can achieve the standards and expectations we have. Thats just ironic. Therefore, i've decided to change for the better and to be more understanding.
Today alv finally called after 5 days of not hearing his voice. It was definitely a relieve to hear his voice for me and i just miss him so much i cant wait to see him soo. Subscribed for the international call roaming and so toi text alv and help him to save alittle money.

Missing you always,
van